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Re: this libidinous jigsaw puzzle (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Mr. Kosberg,
No sir, Erik. The butler gets it. Oh yes, the butler definitely gets it.
Thanks for the callout from the land of Ventura,
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
10:59 pm PDT
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Re: Loved it! (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Hey everyone! Check it out! A military officer/English lit grad student is soliciting my help for her doctoral dissertation!
Thank you, murasaki! I have just capitalized on your good name to lent myself instant credibility. They will no longer be viewing me as a perverted hack... they will now see me as an EDUCATED perverted hack!
:)
Thanks for stopping by and commenting,
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
10:56 pm PDT
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Re: This reminds me... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Rorajoey,
Thank you for your additional background information. I could not delve into the Ginger phenomenon as deeply as I would have liked to simply due to space constraints.
In order to fully explore the various aspects of Ginger's sexuality, I would have needed at least 10,000 words, thus I could only give a capsule summary.
That being said, it should be readily apparent that Ginger was, in fact, the island dominatrix. She had her soft side as well, but she liked control and discipline.
This explains the underlying motivations in rorajoey's story.
THanks for the comment.
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
10:50 pm PDT
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Re: You're missing the obvious... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Greatest Dane of All,
If only I had possessed the foresight to foresee that a career in journalism had the potential to take me to exotic locales such as Driggs, Idaho, my career path could have careened from underappreciated bean-counter to jet-setting star chaser.
Man, hindsight. It'll do ya in every time.
Such a revelation straight from the horse's mouth cannot be set aside. I must make amends if my credibility is to stand at all. I will make this right.
While I cannot justify my glaring faux pas, I will say that I was thrown off by the fact that they slept in separate hammocks. This was obviously just a transparent ploy to mask the true nature of their relationship.
I apologize to my loyal readers and I thank you, Dainon, as well as pantagruel, for bringing this issue to light.
Blind Sordid Chitlin
Fascinating Dawn Welles story... and I appreciate a journalist who does not shy away from the hard questions! <although I'm sure if you drilled her mercilessly enough she would have confirmed my Maryanne-Ginger suspicions!>
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Sep 25 '00
10:41 pm PDT
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Re: This is rich! (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Miriam,
Life is one great see-saw. Even as you lift up my name in praise, your gracious gesture is counter-acted by my most grievious omission of the "Skipper-Little Buddy" factor.
I thank you for your very kind words. But I do so a humbled man.
THanks!
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
10:27 pm PDT
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Re: You're missing the obvious... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Pantagruel,
I don't know what to say. You have exposed me for the sham that I am.
I cannot properly justify my omission, other than to say that sometimes when one spends too much time in the sublime, the obvious becomes invisible.
This is still no excuse.
I thank you most profusely and assure you corrective action is underway.
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
10:23 pm PDT
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Re: At Least You Don't Charge $50 an Hour! (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
HTP,
I am so very very glad to be of service in your quest for self-actualization.
Gilligan Therapy is a valuable, yet oft-overlooked, tool by the psychiatric community. If only it's full therapeutic potential could be harnessed, the world would be rid of all repressed anger, obsessive-compulsive disfunctions, psychosis, and Oedipal complexes. Global warming would be reduced, as well.
I am quite pleased with your progress and therefore will refrain from mentioning the "underaged chimp" incident to the ASPCA.
Actually, that falls under the domain of "doctor-client" privilege anyway, so that is a moot point.
Wishing you well on your road to recovery.
Dr. Sordid
Did you make up the word "porquine"?
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Sep 25 '00
10:18 pm PDT
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Re: Too funny (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Dani257,
Not sure how helpful this is???
If this doesn't convince every single reader to watch this show, I don't know what will! Oh wait... I forgot, the sum total of the entirety of the rest of the world is not perverts.
I retract my assertion regarding this review's usefullness as a promotional tool.
Thanks for the comment.
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
10:06 pm PDT
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Re: I'd punch you... (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Grouch,
Well, good thing I have my running shoes on. I shan't wait around to receive the punch in my mouth when your laughter subsides.
"somewhere between porn and David Foster Wallace" - I must say, that's one of the nicest compliments I've been tendered. Thank you.
As far as "Hogan's Heroes" is concerned, all I can say is Col. Klink's secretary was ONE BUSY LADY! (Trivia for you: Off-screen, that actress was Bob Crane's wife.)
Thanks for stopping by,
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
10:02 pm PDT
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Re: Interesting Perspective! (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Kate,
Thank you for the kind words.
But I don't think we'll ever really run out of things to say about "Gilligan's Island". It is the fuel that keeps the great thinkers of our time from floundering.
Sordid-1
Free market economies rock!!!
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Sep 25 '00
9:54 pm PDT
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Re: My Blowup-Doll Looks JUST Like Ginger! (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Rendy Winth,
I concur.
Gilligan is one of those characters that just makes you wish there was a button on the remote that could transmit an electrical shock through the television set directly into Bob Denver's cranium. *BZZZZZT!! BZZZZZZT!!!*
Of course, in my household, it would be hard to even hear any of the dialogue because it would sound like an amplified bug zapper. *BZZZZZT!! BZZZZZZT!!! BZZZT!*
Just one poisoned coconut cream pie from Maryanne *BZZZZZT!! BZZZZZZT!!!* or one well-placed harpoon stroke from the Skipper *BZZZZZT!! BZZZZZZT!!!* and the source of the islanders trouble would have been eliminated, rescue would be imminent, and Ginger could be back on the casting couch where she belonged.
Man, if I just had that special remote, I could have enjoyed this program so much more. *BZZZZZT!! BZZZZZZT!!!**BZZZZZT!! BZZZZZZT!!!**BZZZZZT!! BZZZZZZT!!!**BZZZZZT!! BZZZZZZT!!!*
Is that smoke coming out of Gilligan's ears?
Thanks for stopping by, my funky civil libertine brother.
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
9:52 pm PDT
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Re: ~ (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Emperor San,
I am very honored by your comment.
To think that out of ALL the multitude of sexual analyses of "Gilligan's Island" you have ever read you find mine to be the most insightful... I am touched.
I still like it when you make your farewell statement "I Eat Boogers",
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
9:41 pm PDT
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Re: Speaking of Political Correctness, I can't stand Ted Turner (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Kordahl,
I don't know about the Okie from Crenokie (that's Merle Haggard isn't it?), but I'll openly admit that Ted Turner rates highly on the Revolt-O-Meter. And that doesn't even take his Commie wife into consideration.
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
9:38 pm PDT
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Re: LOL (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
itsjan,
While you as well laugh at me, you also promise me large sums of money, so I will overlook the unwarranted mirth.
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
9:35 pm PDT
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Re: Thank-you (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
swanbeauty,
You, as well, mock me with your laughter?
See if I ever try to write a serious study again.
Sordid-1
Okay, quick capsule summary:
Jeannie, Major Nelson, Major Healey: menage a trois
Dr. Bellows: not out of the closet yet
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Sep 25 '00
9:34 pm PDT
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Re: You need therapy. (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
achoo,
Gesundheit.
Chuckling? Chuckling???
I write an educational treatise on the sexual proclivities of the greatest cultural icons of our time, and all you can do is laugh at me???
Mock me if you will, history will prove this is a matter of import.
Show more respect next time.
Sordid-1
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Sep 25 '00
9:28 pm PDT
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As a stranger... (Reply to this comment)
by tipu
... in a strangey land, all I can say is that it's (probably) a pity I missed this in my formative years, and (probably) another snub by destiny that he missed out on a taste of Ginger's spice that seems to have been so copiously doled out to the American males of a generation ago.
Feh!
SEXINESS: 7
While no printemps poulet himself, it cannot be doubted that sordid-1 did indeed convey a dusky musky sort of sensuality that left those of the opposite sex bewildered and often unconsciously play with their hair and purse their lips to make sure the lipstick was still sticking to the lips.
EXPERIENCE: 8.3
While we must not overlook the fact that he was officially responsible for at least two sordlings, it is a known fact that the women in his Women of Piggott Mail Order Brides venture were not all... shall we say... fresh material.
ADVENTUROUSNESS: 10++
He invented the word.
Then he came again... and reinvented it.
SKILL: 7.9
What he didn't have in technique he made up for by intense, studious, and copious practice. Always eager to explore, he has mastered positions as eclectic as the Zen Master and Lake Titicaca.
LIKELY PAIRINGS
With his unerring sense of charm, a healthy respect of sandals, and equipped with appropriate photos of the women of his mail order bridal company to satisfy any unwilling partner(s) of his conquests, he was able to pair with any he chose. This led to a regrettable incident when he mistook a Holstein cow for Coco Chanel.
Sordid-1 can be found continuing his exploits online at some product opinion site called Epinions. THANK YOU, KEN S.! ...t-þoo
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Sep 25 '00
7:46 pm PDT
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this libidinous jigsaw puzzle (Reply to this comment)
by erik_kosberg
I can’t wait for your analysis of The Prisoner (please, go easy on the butler) and McHale’s Navy.
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Sep 25 '00
2:54 pm PDT
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Loved it! (Reply to this comment)
by murasaki
...Are you free anytime in the next couple of years to write a doctoral dissertation for me?
Great review!
--murasaki
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Sep 25 '00
2:11 pm PDT
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Re: You're missing the obvious... (Reply to this comment)
by Gr8dane
I must agree with pantagruel, who got to my point before I was able to make it.
I have a bit of the inside edge on this one, my dear man. In May of '99, I drove my little car all the way to Driggs, Idaho to visit with none other than Ms. (yes, still a Ms.) Dawn Welles, otherwise known as Mary Ann. You see, she runs a summertime acting camp from there these days and I, in my overzealousness as a new hire, was determined to "get the story." I must say that I was a little put off - excited? - when she motioned that I come in while she was still in her bathrobe (she'd had some phone troubles and was still in the process of getting ready). In another day and age, it would have truly brought me some joy and happiness (even more if she was donning a bikini or other tight outfit). At her present age, however, it just confused me into temporary speechlessness.
In the few hours I was able to spend with her, and after a tour through her digs, seeing amazing artifacts such as her limited edition Gilligan's Island pinball machine, I approached her with the age-old queries: Was the wholesome act just an act, had she in fact "got it on" with somebody on the island and, if yes, who was it with? She replied, simply, "I don't think Mary Ann's been kissed yet." She then said she had received even more questions as of late about the Little Buddy and His Skipper. A reference is all that is needed in this situation. Skipper was the dominating one and it was all Gilligan could do to comply or taste of one leather whip each evening as well. Little buddy, indeed.
Alas, I have no photo to prove my visit with Mary Ann, but I do have an Official autographed Gilligan's Island Cookbook prominently on display on my home's coffee table.
That said, yours is a grand review that brings to light what some of us have always supposed and what others have never thought of in all our wildest, chocolate-doughnuts-at-midnight, nightmares. You're a sick man, Sordid-1, and we're all the better - or worse - for it.
Congratulations on receiving the longest comment I think I've ever written in my Epinions history.
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Sep 25 '00
7:32 am PDT
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This is rich! (Reply to this comment)
by miridunn
Your effort has paid off--one of the funniest, and smartest pieces of comedy yet! Dare I say,
"the social and psychological ramifications of this great masterpiece stand yet today and shall throughout the ages."
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Sep 25 '00
4:49 am PDT
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You're missing the obvious... (Reply to this comment)
by Pantagruel
If the Skipper would do it with anything that moved, wouldn't his most frequent conquest be Gilligan? Why else did the Skipper call him his "little buddy?"
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Sep 24 '00
8:15 pm PDT
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At Least You Don't Charge $50 an Hour! (Reply to this comment)
by Hard_To_Please
Sordid-
Your indepth analysis of this 'crowning achievement of artistic vision' inspired me to perform a self-analysis to determine which islander I had the most in common with when it comes to matters of sexuality.
I made the painful discovery that I share traits with each castaway. Since most psychoanalyis involves sharing your pain with others, I must now use your comment section to initiate my healing process.
Like the Professor, I would be willing to engage in abnormal practices if it would further the cause of science. Gilligan and I share the tendency to become innovative in the sack only as a result of a freakish accident (and I swear the monkey told me it was 18!) The Skipper would take solace in the knowledge that I have also lowered the moral standards of most cities I've visited.
If you've seen my picture, you already realize that Thurston isn't the only one with an oddly shaped head adorned with strange-looking features. Squealing like a stuck pig is not the sole domain of Lovie, but at least I try to muffle my porquine cries with a pillow. Maryanne and I both know that it's sometimes best to pass on an easy opportunity to flex our sexual muscle. And let's just say that Ginger isn't the only one to experience the intense sensuality of swinging naked from a clothesline with a banana (and other various fruit!)
Words cannot express how much you have advanced my process of self-actualization and for that I am forever grateful!...Mark
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Sep 24 '00
3:34 pm PDT
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Too funny (Reply to this comment)
by Dani257
I'll have to think about how to rate it. Not sure how helpful it is, but I give it a thumbs up for humor.
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Sep 24 '00
12:47 pm PDT
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I'd punch you... (Reply to this comment)
by Grouch
...if I wasn't laughing so hard.
I still think Maryanne triumphs. Ginger be damned!
All in all, you bring sordidness to a new level--somewhere between porn and David Foster Wallace. My jungle hat is off to you! Bravo, dear sir!!
(I can't wait to see what you'll do with "Hogan's Heroes")
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Sep 24 '00
10:47 am PDT
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Interesting Perspective! (Reply to this comment)
by KateTPZ
And I thought there was nothing more that could be said about Gilligan's Island! Great job - entertaining reading!
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Sep 24 '00
7:53 am PDT
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My Blowup-Doll Looks JUST Like Ginger! (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
I've got to give you an arm, er, uh, hand on this one for:
1) Not making the mistake of lumping Ginger into a grouping with Maryanne. As a mere toddler, Ginger taught me that "Woody" was more than just that silly, snickering bird making Buzz Buzzard's life a living Hell on the other network, but that there was another pecker in town. Thank you Tina; in whatever local mall your cutting ribbons... .
2) Characterizing Gilligan in terms of his incredible ineptness, rather than his BRILLIANT(?), slapsticky brand of humor and wit... I can't tell you how many portable TVs I've gone through slapping the crap out of Gilligan... for keeping Ginger on the island and out of my awaiting arms-- just when I was certain THIS was the rerun that they would go metro again... .
3) Many other items, but I refuse to let myself, bully myself into joining you with my own dissertation on this theme (maybe next time... .)
AND NOW FOR MY Commentary Limerick (Bowing to the boos, deftly dodging a rotten tomato...)
On Sordid's review about "Gilligan:"
My brain cells you started to kill again.
And though always a fan
Of the fine Maryann;
It was Ginger that gave me a thrill again.
Great, Funny Job, Ken!
Best--
29th
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Sep 24 '00
5:01 am PDT
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Speaking of Political Correctness, I can't stand Ted Turner (Reply to this comment)
by kordahl
Theres two. ONe, Merle Haggard, two can't stand Ted Turner. -Clay
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Sep 24 '00
12:23 am PDT
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LOL (Reply to this comment)
by itsjan
You have quite an imagination..not to mention..a way with words! You are wasting your time here on epinions..you could be earning large sums of money writing very funny books!!!! I give you an A+!!
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Sep 23 '00
11:35 pm PDT
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Thank-you (Reply to this comment)
by swanbeauty
Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, Sordid-1, for the laughs! How about one on I Dream of Jeannie?
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Sep 23 '00
11:33 pm PDT
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