Alaska Airlines, Pap Smears, and the H-T-P Lovefest....
Written: Sep 08 '01 (Updated Apr 14 '02)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Initial Check-In at SeaTac.
Cons: Filthy Interior, Mechanical Unsound, Lack of Customer Service/Conflict Resolution
The Bottom Line: Alaska Airlines provides filthy planes, delays, disgusting meals, disrespectful gate personnel, and fails to provide safe flights. Avoid them!
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| Lisa_J's Full Review: Alaska Airlines |
There was a stink in the air; Alaska air provided a filthy interior and unacceptable food quality. Bring your own garter belt (seatbelt) for security folks, cause Alaska Air doesn't carry a spare and fails to provide safety for all!
Update April 14, 2002:
Still no response from Alaska Airline.
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Excuse me Miss….
Yes… How may I help you?!
What is a nice girl like you doing in a review like this?
Thank you for the inquiry and you are correct that this review is put forth differently than my typical writing flair! This review is part of the Hard_to_Please Love Fest, organized by diverpam, for our friend Mark (Hard_to_Please) who was recently diagnosed with advanced cancer. All funds raised this write-off will be donated to Mark to help defray some of his expenses. Although Mark has his own wonderfully unique style we are each attempting to honor him by writing in our best Hard_to_Please fashion.
Regardless of this I assure you that every incident mentioned while traveling Alaska Air did transpire and no exaggerations are implemented. Unfortunately I am unable to recommend Alaska Airlines. The air Travel Company still hasn’t responded to the letter with enclosed pictures of the malfunctioned seat..
Okay but why did you step out of books and Kids –n- Family?
Fair question.
One of the most inspiring comments I received during my early days at Epinionsville came from Mr. Hard-To-Please. Marc sent me the most wonderful email that complimented me on my positive manner and how I seemed to draw good from all. One Hard-To-Please trademark is the inclusion of bodily function mention within reviews. Presented the challenge to author an epinion for this very worthy cause, there was not doubt I would partake. The disturbing factor to me was that I would be undertaking a different presentation manner than normal! Could I pull it off? What would I write about? Would the rating crowd understand?
Considering that my recent vacation was wonderful but Alaska air provided below standard service – and bodily fluids were among the mentionable happenstance – I seen it only fit to provide a consumer alert and attempt to turn the sour situation into a laugh for all.
Okay, but what does a Pap smear have to do with Alaska air?
Read on and you shall be enlightened!
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Our family was recently enthralled with the opportunity to purchase and experience a vacation package from Disney travel. It was so much fun and went exceptionally dreamy with the exception of the Super Shuttle airport transfer – nothing super about it – and both flights with Alaska Air.
Based on prior positive experience, my initial thought was to utilize United Air for transportation from Seattle to LA. Previous flights with them were remarkable. The food service was impeccable with regard to children in flight, planes were clean, crew exceptionally friendly, flights were on time, and most important – all of the staff assisted our children and provided a kid-friendly environment. I should’ve trusted the discernment thought and summoned United Air transportation mode!
Alaska Air was the preferred air travel carrier used by Disney travel, thus equaling the least expensive package option. But the least expensive option jeopardized our safety, provided an experience that emotionally drained me, and clearly painted a canvas of incredible concern with regard to Alaska Air.
Beginning - Flight AS290
The early Monday AM flight from Seattle to LAX was the starting point for our week of adventure at the happiest place on earth, AKA Disneyland. The flight seats were pre-assigned, meals special ordered, and our daughters had already decided – in their charming sibling manner, at least they both survived the decision process – which of them would have the window seat.
Baggage and check-in went smoothly. The terminal was very crowded and I must commend the Alaska Air staff for the tremendous service here! They greeted, assisted, smiled, and charmed us through the check-in process. Fore-flight was delightful. Bags checked in, honorary child flight wings attached to girls jackets, and boarding passes in hand – we proceeded to gate C12.
The intended plane was deemed unworthy for take off and we were redirected to a gate in the D pod. Like cows in a raging herd, passengers scurried to the newly assigned departure gate. This situation caused a tremendous but understandable delay.
Upon boarding I couldn’t help but think about the sardines in a can comparison as every passenger attempted to stow his/her carry-on and buckle into the assigned seats. The flight crew and attendants for flight AS290 were courteous, attentful, and patient. Particular importance was the manner they conversed with our daughters and the other younger passengers.
After an additional take-off delay due to mechanical challenges on this secondary plane, we withstood the normal fasten your seatbelts, your seat cushions may be used…. speech. Take-off was smooth. Kudo’s to the pilot crew for providing an entire smooth ride and a wonderfully smooth landing. Clearly this flight crew knew how to stroke the handles and caress the buttons for flight time pleasure (and weather elements were cooperative).
The cleanliness of the plane and the food provided was repulsive and will be addressed. I noticed the significant dirt particles, food crumbs, lint, and overall unclean floor appearance. However, it was not anywhere near the disgust we would experience on the flight home. None-the-less, I often hear airline meals and hospital food used in comparison, so what the heck. Vegetarians be aware that the catering system for Alaska Airlines may not meet your palate needs or provide a true vegetarian alternative.
Had I been rating Alaska Air merely on this flight, they would possibly receive three stars. I am understanding to a point, and realize that planes aren't making money unless they are in the air. I don't expect a white glove clean, but the condition was no where near the cleanliness Alaska Airlines portrays. During this entire flight I remained calm, kind, and courteous. At this point my thought process was to address a comment card upon safe return to Seattle.
Return Flight AS275
Ho hum….. we had to return from Disney – Minnie wasn’t ready to hand over mortgage rights to her pad – and the return trip is what sunk Alaska Airlines to a clear and loud NOT RECOMMENDED!
After 5 glorious days, it was time to return to reality. Check-in at LAX went smooth, courteous, and precise. We proceeded to gate 31B. Bathroom need arose and we sought the restroom facility. The bathroom lines were hideous at LAX. Boarding time came forth (again a delay) and we proceeded to row 19, seats A, B, C, and D. There was a stink in the air and I noticed the significant dirt particles, food crumbs, lint, and overall unclean floor appearance. Honestly folks, the dirt and filth was unexpected and a huge disappointment!
~*~ Pebbled Floors, Crusty Seats, Sticky Trays, Stinky Air, and More
The amount of crusts, debris, and ‘I don’t know what’ that adhered to the floor made me wonder if ever the planes are vacuumed. Upon properly storing our carry-on underneath the seat in front of us I was nauseated to realize that as I slid the bag forward my fingernails were impacted with multiple dirt particles. As if that wasn’t bad enough… I saw what resembled a human turd ball lying next to the seat brace. Yippers! I kid you not, that is what it resembled. I have changed many enough diapers to realize human waste, and this was spitting image of just that. Perhaps this should’ve been hint enough that the previous passenger had experienced misery in this very seat. I covered the obscure thing with a napkin and pushed it with the tip of my shoed foot outta site.
There was a stink in the air, and again Alaska air provided a filthy interior (at least they are consistent). Only this time was worse! My husband, younger daughter and I noticed a foul smell and cringed our noses slightly. Best way to describe it would be to state it was like a combination of dirt, lingering food, stinky feet, and dampness.
The trays were sticky, soiled, and one even had writing ‘clean-me’. Based on the filth experienced during the flight down, I now was armed with Wet-Ones. After cleansing three trays, arm rests, and hands – we felt slightly better.
~*~ Cross Your Legs and Hope You Don’t Have To Pee!
Regardless that my daughter and I ventured to the bathroom at LAX, she had to go! You parents know what I mean – tour of the bathrooms. After waiting a substantial period of time, it was our turn to use the restroom.
My observant young one inquired as to what the brown skid mark down the back wall was. (Understand that one of the crew had just exited and in my opinion should’ve seen it and taken care of it) Yippers… gross, yuck. Well, we had to relieve ourselves, and I wanted to do so as quickly as possible. Then it happened, I looked up to the mirror and seen a substance that resurfaced memories of a scene in Something About Mary. That was it, I thought I would puke, but since that meant a possibility of backsplash – I took my childs hand and scurried outta that grime hole. Blah!
~*~ Buffy, Muffy, Ginger, and Frita
They served as our torture guides. (Fictional names to protect the four employees). We had not even departed LAX before Buffy and Muffy had insulted four other passengers, and a darling lady in front of us commented, "This will be a long ride." The customer relation tactics of the flight crew was unacceptable. It was disappointing to hear them make fun of fellow passengers, and disheartening to witness their caddy facial expressions.
The pilot and crew provided a rough take-off, rugged ride, and crappy (no, Mark, I didn’t poop my pants) landing. The intensity was magnified by the fact that during the mandatory seatbelt time I was left naked. Truly a frightening situation. While I am intelligent enough to know that airline crew has no control over turbulence, I also know that pilots differ in airplane control.
~*~ The Garter Belt Fails
More frustrating than the flight delay and the dirty filth of the entire plane… Yes it gets worse! Was the mechanical mishap that occurred.
Those familiar with flight know that seatbelts must be worn during take-off, other times, and at landing. The plane had finally reached flight altitude and us sardines were allowed to proceed to the bathroom, hmmmm… can is more like it. Upon returning, sitting, and proceeding to follow Alaska Airlines regulation of passengers having seatbelts at all times, it happened. I reattached the buckle, turned to answer a question, and the garter detached from the seat frame, leaving me naked in mid air. Understand that we were now entering turbulence.
Calmly – in a manner not to alarm fellow passengers – I summoned Buffy the stud-flight-attendant for rescuing. His words went something like – “Whoa, someone really screwed with this thing!”
*Great studmuffin… get me a flippin’ new one.* Well guess what? Aisle – we messed up – was plum outta – any replacements. Okay, I decided – after Buffy assured me that Alaska’s best were fiddling with my garter in the cockpit, and would return it soon – that these people are used to having their sardines secured and will certainly accomplish the task.
Afterall, let's remember that Alaska Airlines policy is that all passengers remain buckled while in flight!
Time elapsed and landing was eminent. I was becoming rather edgy when Buffy reappeared with the same broken, failed garter, and provides the recommendation from the cockpit… We are going to slide this onto the track, snug it tight to you, and have you hold really still and it should hold okay.
*Okay?? Just okay?? Well, if this is what Alaska’s best can do (insert whatever words or thoughts you may have)!* So superman disappears to take his seat among the elite. Guess what folks? I breathed and that flippin’ garter (seat belt) sprang forth.
No - I don't expect them to be mechanics.
However… At this point I am certain they must have a seat for me among the elite Alaska jumpseats. So, me finger sprung up to summon superman. Muffy comes over the speaker and reminds us charming sardines the attendants aren’t allowed to get up and unless an extreme emergency existed to leave them alone. *You know it is Alaska policy. As is having the passenger wear a seatbelt!*
I pondered the thought and was too emotionally drained to know exactly what to do. Considering the crew had told me they did the best they could do, I thought it best to deal with this myself. During this entire time I was concerned with regard to the other passengers and not wanting to disturb them.
Insert thought…. If Alaska’s finest were so helpful for a situation like this, (NOT) remind me how lost they might be in a major catastrophe! Precisely - my meaning is that they seemed to not care. Granted this was merely one passenger with no belt. But still.
As the saying states… “What goes up must come down!” Have you, not that I would want to stay on the crummy plane for any longer then need be. But considering how rough the airtime had been what was I to expect on plane landing? Well, it was obvious Buffy, Muffy, Ginger, and Frita weren’t leaving their precious flight attendant seats for anybody. I was left to think for myself. Even though I was terrified in my mind, I didn't want to send the passengers into a state of alarm. (insert thought -- it was the landing gear they were working on prior to take off)
*I know! I need to brace myself, spare my face, and prepare for landing! What’s a gal to do? Assume position!*
Down I sled, spread my legs, and planted my feet firmly onto the seat in front of me. I clutched the seat arms and tried to think happy thoughts. Just how happy can a girl get when despair lurks? And, this position wasn’t being taken to receive pleasure. Then it hit me (no not literally) that this was all too familiar of Gynecology visits. Yuck! So there I was sled into a position similar to that of a woman whose feet are in stirrups, legs spread, hands holding tight, and feeling about as excited for landing as one feels when anticipating the sterile, cold, spectrum coming at the crouch. As bad as those exams can be, at least I know what to expect with them. Landing without a seatbelt? Jeez … who knows!
Disclaimer and Encouragement (Ladies, at this time I bring you a public service announcement to schedule those needed appointments. Do this for Marks sake. One element I heard him portray is importance of early medical prevention. Pap smears are important and in no way was this comparison meant to discredit the need.)
Landing was rough, it did take my strength to prevent from lunging extremely forward, but I was so thankful to be back at Seattle. Now, after this workout, standing was not easy. Might have been okay had the position been assumed for fun and pleasure. Seriously folks, my body hurt! We waited deplaning of the other passengers before confronting the flight attendant (in a nice -- calm -- courteous manner), asking to see management, and so forth.
Food… or uh Torture Nibbles!
I made a special point of calling in advance to request two child meals, and a vegetarian meal (no fungus). While I had desired a fruit platter option, I was informed that was an option reserved for 1st class passengers. Oh, I see. Please note that for dietary options you need to phone 24 hours in advance.
For the flight down we succumbed to breakfast. I must report that my children did not eat one item from the child breakfasts, the odor repulsed them. What was supposed to be French toast and two sausages (I think) looked like yesterday’s garbage retrieval. My vegetarian breakfast consisted of white rice with an array of fungus (yes they put the very shrums I asked to avoid) and other unidentifiable rubbish. They call this breakfast? The aroma resembled that of an unflushed toilet the morning after a sorority initiation party. Oh well, at least they couldn’t screw up the can of diet-coke! But they were certainly stingy about allowing me to have the entire can.
Food for the return flight (dinner) was less impressive. The children were given what was supposed to be macaroni –n– cheese, an Oreo cookie pack (the only palatable item), and a container of generic chocolate pudding. Normally both girls like Mac –n- Cheese. When I removed the foil from my younger daughters dish a noticeable black hair was laying atop and a sour odor emitted. I certainly don’t blame her for declining to taste! No thanks they declared, and devoured the cookies. I was thankful we provided them with some fries prior to boarding.
My vegetarian meal consisted of a bean burrito, rice, veggies, a lemon shortbread cookie, and a bagel. While the meal itself wasn’t bad… mind you… the belt had failed, we were in turbulence, and beans and rice were hopping around like fleas in pursuit. My mouth reflexes just weren’t up to chasing the flying comestibles. I will save my tongue for more pleasing adventures, thank-you. Plus – my stomach wasn’t pleased with the amusement type of adventure that presented itself. Come on now; remember that I wasn’t in proper bondage.
Bottom line – take your beverage and bring your sack meal! To think they 'claim' to provide good meals. Ha!
Understand this is the opinion of four customer's and not meant to display global representation. But, I think most of you are intelligent enough to figure that one out. Please read other well-authored epinions including one by Opalman and another by Elzora. Both epinion authors will also provide you with a very helpful and differing viewpoint.
Customer Lack of Service at Gate Terminal – SeaTac
As did the gate crew attitudes upon arrival at Seattle. Rather than apologize for any of the ill treatings – the service desk at flight AS275’s point of deplaning was worse than a junkyard dog on a hot summer day, in-heat and no papa to fulfill the need. (The flight attendant had instructed us to provide an entire explanation to them and request management). The attitudes they exhibited were dreadful! In fact, one gate desk employee (Hi Paul!) was abrasive and actually flippered his lips. Kindly remember that the entire time, my family and I had remained calm (considering the situation) and courteous. Clearly this staff wasn’t wanting to hear anything about our disappointing experience. My family and I were the only customers at the desk and I was trying to handle this matter in a manner to not disturb other clients.
The gate desk personnel -- no matter that we were being courteous -- refused to summon management. They insisted we proceed home and utilize email or phone service to report our side of the incident. Don't think so guys. This one is not getting swept under the rug for denial. My husband knew that situations such as this are supposed to be reported at the time of occurrance. Our large concern was that no other passenger would be loaded into the same seat.
The only saving point was the customer service specialists that I insisted they bring out! A possibly legitimate apology was adhered to my shaken and limp body, and a promise for a follow-up call – which NEVER OCCURRED! In addition, error was admitted for the ill treatment I had endured. This conversation transpired with three representatives and was witnessed. I was thanked for remaining calm and courteous during the flight, deplaning, and so forth. I was told that I had been treated wrong by the service desk and the situation was handled wrong.
The plane was delayed for repairs (the mechanical failure had been reported on in-bound -- not upon occurrence) and the crew was questioned. It was stated to me that I should've been placed into a jumpseat for safety purpose.
At this point -- I don’t recommend Alaska Airlines… at all… no way… no how.
I do have digital photos, witness statements, still photos, and will persevere. Shady customer service is the worse, and that is Alaska, I mean Scuzzy Air – HORRID! The customer shouldn't have to summon management to be listened to, and when requesting management shouldn't be denied.
If perhaps I receive amends, I will edit this eyewitness report. Time will tell. Until then – heck I got some good Mark material from it! Thus allowing me to inform you the consumer.
Alaska Airline Response
What response? Still waiting........
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Following is a list of participants:
jankp,
jkkelley,
29th Candidate,
Sunkah,
Dr_Steph,
bwyckoff1,
jo.com,
AinsleyJo,
Lady Cynic,
frazzledspice,
mcmaster,
roxymarie,
LordAngel,
sherrylee,
brendametcalf,
pambo,
NoMattrWht,
Sordid-1,
nwinston,
SLOW,
Suzer,
Biggs219,
melissasrn,
MattJoe,
ifif1938,
DiverPam,
GinaHill,
grandgram,
Hikini,
pogomom,
bops_mom,
purplewiz,
movielover123,
repulsemonkey,
Redhotleigh,
gonow,
hypotenuse,
blackcat2,
mkp51,
Kevlog,
flamepillar,
PSobel,
Taurusmoon,
nathsmom,
daddieo,
Zenhues,
cldoss,
2buzy,
Lizf,
gransurfer1,
Deaser26,
Auldbawl1,
Michiman1,
prfstars,
BARNZ,
fransbebe,
Granniemose,
ggrimes1221,
ginzo,
eplovejoy,
michealhead,
Arthur.Rubin,
lisa_j,
cripper,
Hadassahchana,
teddiec,
mtbat,
momsworkinlate,
viper1963,
dragonfire88,
Linda1527,
jgibson2,
Pamelita3099,
MaryTara,
msmorvay
For a link to all the reviews in the write-off, please visit http://interlinediscounts.com/writeoff.htm.
You can then send your donations to Mark via PayPal by going to http://www.paypal.com and sending money to Mark's account -- dude4u@netzero.net
Or, you can send donations to him at the following address:
Serious Business
Attn: Mark
P.O. Box 852
O'Fallon, MO 63366
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Disclaimer: This review is not intended to spark personal offense from flight attendants and/or airline staff. This is our experience, and need be received as such. In addition, certain details have been purposely left out due to a pending resolution process. Three Alaska consumer representatives made admission of error. An update will be posted at a future time.
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In Loving Memory:
Mark Arnold
January 15, 1960-October 9, 2001
You are missed Mark!
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Update April 14, 2002:
Still no response from Alaska Airline.
Interesting observation: New members join epinions to rate this review nh/sh and adhere disapproving comments.
© 2001 Lisa_J
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
Lisa_J
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Location: Pacific Northwest - Washington State
Reviews written: 1010
Trusted by: 668 members
About Me:
Mom of two wonderfully spirited daughters. Childcare Director. Spectator fan of dance.
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