Flying on One Wing and a Prayer - Literally
Written: Sep 30 '07 (Updated Sep 30 '07)
|
Product Rating:
|
|
|
Pros: Found some decent rates.
Cons: Planes don't work. Neither does the staff.
The Bottom Line: Two out of four airplanes used during this trip didn't function. Is 50/50 really the kind of chance you want to take on an airplane?
|
|
|
| Petra's Full Review: American Airlines |
I described the hotel experience in San Antonio and praised the great restaurant we had our party at; the remaining question is: how did I get to San Antonio? Well, I'm glad you asked.
I assume it's not a coincidence that the abbreviation for this airline is the same as that for a certain group of alcoholics; I would go so far as to guess that American Airlines' staff comprises 60% of the member roster of Alcoholics Anonymous. Well, at least the maintenance people and pilots.
While all my co-workers flew Southwest Airlines to San Antonio, the times I needed to be there and back left me with American Airlines, flying out just after midnight on a Sunday morning, coming back right before midnight on a Thursday night - or so I'd hoped.
Airport checkin was rather unremarkable. The option of getting your boarding pass at one of their automated checkin machines is nice, even if the instructions on how to make the thing read your barcode leave a bit to be desired. I then hauled my bags to the X-Ray machine and eventually wandered onto the plane where I promptly fell asleep. Plane change in Dallas was easy enough and again, I slept through the entire trip. No problem here.
The return flight, however, was a whole different story. My first concern was the very audible crash with which the plane's landing gear was tucked away. I know there's a bit of a noise, but this plane certainly could use a Meineke job. The flight itself was uneventful again.
Then, as we approached the airport in Dallas, the plane descended as always and then ... with a roar the thing went right back up, accelerating like a carjacker on COPS. I'm mentally drawing straws to guess if we're being hijacked, the runway's on fire, the pilot mistook some interstate for a runway and noticed the MAC trucks last minute, or perhaps the pilot even saw his ex's new boyfriend driving down the street and decided to freak him out. In the opposite isle, a women turns to me with a questioning look, asking: "Why are we going back up?" Well, lady, I'm with you here: why?
Another good bang from the landing gear and I am reminded that I forgot the option of being hit by another plane or running into some tower. It's always good to cover all options when you're envisioning your upcoming death by airline, so for good measure, I throw in the Stephen King version of "Monster on the Wing" to liven up my fantasies. Alas, we make it and stumble off the plane, slightly worse for the wear.
After the landing, I see the pilot behind the AA counter (the airline one, not the alcoholics). He and the counter staff banter about who's going where next; the pilot covers some printouts and urges one female staff member to guess. I myself am guessing that that might be how we got in trouble in the first place: "Oops! That's the Tijuana airstrip! Ha ha! Jolly good, let's try again."
Waiting for the banter to subside, I figure a rational explanation excluding wing-monsters or ex-wives (or even Jack Daniels) might make me feel better, so I ask the pilot: "why did we go back up?"
He looks at me with the air of someone who feels that He who flies a plane is so above the rest of us that I expect his sentence to somehow contain the phrase "Mere Mortal". Instead, he simply tells me that he has no idea what I'm talking about, the plane never went back up. Sure, a little ways back, there was some turbulence and there is a problem with the breaks, but the plane certainly never went back up.
Okay, I don't have a pilot license, but ... uh, huh? What was that? "There is a problem with the breaks"? Okay, could it be that that had something to do with the ascend that "never took place" but was commented on by other passengers? To top it all off, he throws in the question: "Do you fly often?"
When I say "Lately, yes." He turns and walks away. Guess that explanation just went out the window.
Well, no time for any more idle patronizing, I have to get to the other gate to catch my connection, which I do. I am deep in thought, wondering if the audacity of speaking to the God of the Airplane will put me into the cargo bay on any future flight. I'm probably on the no-pretzel list from here on out. I'm so deep in thought that I don't even notice we've been sitting on this plane for 20 minutes beyond take-off time until I hear the announcement by the new pilot, letting us know that the plane was leaking hydraulic fluid on the way in and they're not sure they can fix it. Update to follow.
Soon, the follow-up: nope, the plane has to be taken out of commission, can't fix it, so we all crawl back off the plane and file into the waiting area. We're told they're trying to find a new plane and eventually they do, at another gate. We wander over there and are told as soon as everybody debarks and the plane is clean, we get to go on it.
Personally, I'm thinking that a clean plane is really the least of my concern. More of a concern is, will there be a shuttle running all night once I get to the Los Angeles airport? I ask the staff what happens if there isn't: they shrug. "We don't know how the shuttles run there. You will have to see when you get there."
Bad idea, really - cause once I'm there in the middle of the night and there's NOT a shuttle, I'm having a bit of a problem. A cab to where I live would be outrageous. Near me, a woman insists she heard that airlines can comp transportation. One of the staff tells her that the vouchers they would give out are usually not accepted by cab drivers, and she'll have to get reimbursed later, and it'll be a biiiig hassle, and pretty much anything else he can think of to make her go away without having to give her anything.
We delay and delay some more as I stand near the counter trying to figure out why other people are standing there getting new tickets. So I ask: what are they doing? Do I need to do something? I sneak closer to make sure I don't miss getting a new boarding pass or whatever, but then I realize it's just people who were supposed to fly the next day but were told for some reason they needed to fly the night before. Guess another plane bit the dust.
Here, the pilot chit-chats with some of the flight staff about how one of them will obviously end up being crazy cat lady, to which she replies she only has 4 cats. I'm glad there's balanced flight staff. The other two ladies in the meantime spend every unoccupied moment making faces and laughing about how they wish "these people knew more". I wonder if she refers to the passengers who think they might get a $10.- off coupon for their next flight or their plane mechanics. Then they notice some unattended luggage and debate it for a while until one of them announces she thinks she knows where the person this belongs to may be, so it just stays there.
Finally, about 2 hours late, we get to board the plane. I'm close to last to go and suddenly, the devil rides me again and after passing the counter I turn around and come back to ask the woman at the gate if American Airline has any plans to make things up to people in any way, shape or form. To my horror, she makes such a show out of it that I become the local spectacle: as I walk back and stand nearby to let the last 2 people pass, she stops cold, stares at me and hollers over: "what is it? There a problem?"
I say "no, just a question" and I eventually tell the next passenger standing and staring at me that he needs to just get the hell onto the plane for heaven's sake. My questions are not for him. I ask the lady if American Airline will somehow do anything for their passengers, seeing as I now will get home at 3 a.m. and am expected back to work at 8. She tells me no, not really, but I can always talk to customer service by phone or e-mail if this has caused me any "hardship".
Okay, lady, "hardship" is losing your house in a mudslide, or being laid off with 5 children and a mortgage. Being delayed on a plane is a nuisance and can be avoided if you keep your planes maintained. Either way, basically, we're not to expect anything - not even a set of headphones for the in-flight movie. Nope. After having been left in a dead airport in the middle of the night, with no stores or food places open and no option to catch some air because the place is locked and we can't get back in, we're told we can purchase a headset for the film for only 2 Dollars. Oh, I get it: they need money for a mechanic.
What worries me the most is that I had previously bought a ticket to Europe, to be taken in December. So, you have barely a functioning airplane and we're going to take our chances crossing the ocean on one? I can't get out of it, obviously, cause they'll charge for cancellation and besides, by now, other airlines' tickets will probably cost much more than what I'd paid for mine.
Please sign up in the comment section for a communal prayer session on the days I'll be sinking my fingernails into the seats.
Recommended:
No
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
Petra
|
 - Top 1000 |
|
Location: California
Reviews written: 327
Trusted by: 312 members
About Me:
If life gives you lemons ... there's always someone deserving of being pelted with fruit
|
|
|
- Add to My Yahoo!: 
- Add to Google Homepage: 
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.