Sail date: 7/15/02

First of all, I need to ask you two sets of questions:

Question List #1 (Do you have the temperament for cruising?)

* Are you a whiner?
* Do you find yourself frequently "sending back" food at restaurants?
* Do you find faults easily in people/situations in which you are rendered customer service?
* Are you impatient?
* Do you ever exhibit road rage?
* Are you easily offended?
* Did any of the above questions make you even the slightest bit defensive?

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, I recommend that you either avoid budget travel altogether (spend big bucks on a cruise that will provide five people to wait on you hand and foot), or learn to mellow out and enjoy life a little. Please don't come aboard my next cruise, because one of my only points of contention is with whiny, spoiled tourists who do nothing but complain all day. I realize that some people get off on that sort of thing. I don't.

Question List #2 (Do you have any eccentricities that may preclude you from traveling on the Holiday?)

* Are you an extremely light sleeper?
* Do you have trouble communicating with people who do not speak fluent English?
* Are you a cheapskate?
* Do you dislike the ocean?
* Are you extremely prone to motion sickness?
* Does the possibility of bad weather deter you from having a good time?
* Do you have trouble making decisions?
* Do you dislike children?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, travel aboard the Holiday may not be for you. Allow me to give some background information about myself and then explain my reasons for asking all of the above questions.




About Me

I am a 28-year-old male who has traveled a good deal for his age (at last count five countries, plus many places here in the states). I have traveled extensively throughout Mexico on bus. I speak decent Spanish. I have spent the night in places ranging from nicer three and four-star hotels to the lowliest Mexican posada. I am not at all a picky eater, and try new things all the time. I like fast food, as well as gourmet fare. I'm not at all snobbish about visiting tourist traps, but am able to sightsee with even the most hardcore eco-tourist. Cruising was not at all my idea. I did this because it was my mother's dream to go on a cruise (too many episodes of the Love Boat I suppose).


The Actual Review

Carnival Cruise Line's (CCL) Holiday is the oldest ship in the fleet. (I believe it was deployed in 1986.) Know this and accept this before you go aboard so that you will not be disappointed. It has been refurbished in recent months, and it looks pretty good. It is the smallest ship in the fleet. Our cruise director (Larry Garlutzo) told us that this was a positive point, as it meant that there was a better customer-to-staff ratio, that it was a more intimate setting.

It is not a newer ship. If you go expecting a majestic specimen sporting bright new brass and all of the technological bells, buttons, and whistles, you will be disappointed. I don't know how stabilization technology has advanced, and don't have anything to compare it to, but you will feel the ship rock back and forth a lot and this may cause you to get motion sickness. As a kid, I was very prone to carsickness. I got it a lot. I have even experienced some motion sickness in the car as an adult. I did not suffer any ill effects aboard the Holiday. In fact, the rocking of the ship was somewhat soothing to me as I went to sleep. However, I saw many people with those little patches behind their ears. I myself took Dramamine the first two nights of the cruise, primarily as a sleep aide.

Embarkation

Frankly, this could have been much smoother. If you arrive by car, you'll notice that the parking area is about the distance of two to three football fields away from the embarkation terminal. If you drive right up to the terminal, a number of eager staff will offer to take your bags that you don't want to lug on board the cruise ship yourself (Someone will have to drive the car back to the parking area and walk back to the terminal.). Give these guys only the bags you don't need to see for several hours (and possibly longer – I heard that a few people had their bags misplaced for several days), give them a tip, and proceed inside the terminal area. I think it's better to just park first and walk your baggage to the terminal area, but if you packed like most of the people I saw, this won't be very practical.

Once you are inside there are no indicators that tell you what to do other than a few screaming embarkation staff. It is a madhouse. The procedure is supposed to go like this for American citizens:



1) You'll be asked to form a line when you first walk in. The only purpose of this line is to make sure you have the information in your boarding pass filled out correctly.
2) You will then be assigned a seat in the waiting area. You will wait in this seating arrangement until the real line shortens enough so that you may stand in it without creating a fire hazard.
3) Your paperwork will then be processed.
4) You will go to another small area to receive your cabin key and your Sail and Sign card. (Sail and Sign is the devil.)
5) You will stand in one more line that leads to a security checkpoint. Once through security you will be allowed aboard.


Keep in mind that it did not go like this at all. It was like Grand Central Station at rush hour. Had CCL explained this process in the form of a sign or clearer instructions from the staff, I would have been clued in and much more satisfied. It wasn't a big deal, just a confusing process.

The rooms

They were not bad at all, and actually seemed quite spacious. They are definitely furbished with items from the 80s, but there was a full-sized television in the rooms. The bathroom would occasionally emit some strange sewage-like smells, but nothing terrible ever beset us. When we first came aboard, we thought our toilet was going to give us some trouble. We called Maintenance and foreign gentleman with a pompador haircut wearing a blue jumpsuit came to fix it immediately (I thought he was going to start singing the theme from Happy Days). The beds sleep a lot like military cots with a thin veneer of foam. The first night the ship made really loud noises. (I presume it had something to do with navigating the Mississippi River.)

The meals

Informal dining: It was so-so to pretty good. There were a lot of things to choose from, but it was not an all-you-can-eat buffet in the sense that there were 1,000,001 things. I did not spend a lot of time in the informal dining area, but it seemed like they always had one American standard (like burgers) to fall back on. I traveled with my stepfather, who is not the most adventuresome person when it comes to taste experiences and he says he was satisfied with the food. Your stick-in-the-mud friend, spouse, or relative will be too. (I mean this in a very loving way of course. Some of my best friends consider ketchup on a burger a really crazy deviation from the norm.) I had a Greek farmer's salad that was very good in the informal dining area. They seem to do a lot of Indian fusion in some of the entrees. There are always reduced calorie dishes too (I believe they called those offerings Spa Selections in the formal dining area), for those who came aboard actually expecting to maintain their weight.


Formal dining: The formal dining proved to be outstanding, and far exceeded my expectations. There are many, many gourmet main course selections to be had, as well as at least one vegetarian and one fairly traditional selection that your picky meat-and-potatoes eater should enjoy. Yes, you can eat as much as you want and nobody is going to get upset with you. In fact, our waiter seemed disappointed because we didn't ask for second and third helpings. (So don't be afraid to try the escargot! I did, and it wasn't bad.) They also had an excellent dessert selection which I'm sorry to say did little for my dietetic goals for the week. They did offer a good number of seafood dishes (broiled lobster tail one night) and many fine beef dishes such as beef Wellington and Chateau Briand. The lobster and scallops were a little overcooked. Their wine list was extensive, but I drank less expensive wines (Fetzer), as I heard that rocking of the ship tainted the flavor of a really great wine.

Here are the only things I didn't enjoy about the formal dining experience:

1) The dress code didn't seem to be enforced at all. I believe in truth in advertising.
2) Four out of five nights there was some sort of musical production on behalf of the wait staff. It seemed as though many of them were reluctant to sing and dance classics such as Macarena and Hot Hot Hot. I was somewhat embarrassed for them. If they truly enjoy this, then I support them in their quest for stress release through musical expression, but it didn't seem as though they did.

The activities

These ranged from humorous and worthwhile to an hour and a half in hell. Avoid the musical production Fuego del caribe (Fire of the Caribbean) at all costs unless you are a Centrum-Silver grandma type, like high school musicals, or want to ogle at young women in not-so-skimpy swimwear. I tried to take in many of the activities. Our cruise director Larry covered big band-era music, as well as a Dave Matthews and a Creed song. He was extremely talented, but his voice was a little too proper to sing very soulfully. Again, if you're from the older set or don't get out a lot, you'll probably enjoy yourself. Don't force your teenage daughter to sit through these shows though.

The ports of call

Playa del Carmen (Playa): You do not disembark in Playa, but rather in nowheresville (Calica), which is a $10 taxi ride into Playa. Tourism seems to have done a lot of good for the community. Keep in mind that this is not the real Mexico. If you're looking for the real Mexico, buy Carl Franz's The People's Guide to Mexico, and set off on your own. It's going to be hot. It's going to be touristy, but it's going to be some of the best beachfronts and crystal clear turquoise water you've ever seen. You only get one business day here, so make it a good one.

We opted to walk around Playa for a couple of hours after an excursion to a private beach. My sister shopped for charms. Playa seemed to be a nicer town than Cozumel, but I didn't have enough time to give it a real chance. Keep in mind that you barter with the shop owners, DO NOT take the first offer you're given. Shop around. Pretend to walk out of the store. Be polite. My sister laughed at a man when we told her he wanted $90 for the same charm another man asked $38 for. He didn't like it much, but it was pretty funny.


Cozumel: I didn't give it a real chance, but Cozumel seemed like tourist hell. It was just like Playa, but hotter and more populated with store barkers competing for my tourist dollar. It helps to speak Spanish at both of these places. A firm, polite, hollow "Buenas," and most of these guys left me alone. It was a testament to how few tourists speak Spanish. A $6 cab ride takes you to the heart of the shopping area. We also paid $58 USD for a Mexican lunch for four. That's pricey!

Excursions

I did the Playa Beach Break in Playa. In Cozumel, I did the Catamaran Sail and Snorkel. I recommend signing up for a CCL excursion not because they are the best value for your dollar, but because your time is limited and it is far more convenient to go with something that is homogenized and “safe” than to do the legwork yourself in cases such as this.

Playa Beach Break: We waited in the lounge area and then disembarked. We found our bus. Realize immediately that most of these excursions are run through independent contractors, not the cruise line itself. So the excursion operators may not exactly kiss up to you unless they want a nice tip from you (most do). Our operators were pretty nice and served us fairly well.

We were transported to the nicest beach I have ever seen. We had roughly three and a half hours to swim, sunbathe, snorkel, sea kayak, or walk along the beach before we were hustled back to the ship or taken into the main commercial area in Playa. Renting snorkeling equipment or a kayak cost extra. The water was warm, inviting. The beaches were being combed by jardineros (gardeners). It was a lovely break and a nice way to pass the morning and early afternoon.

A few things to consider:

1) The food and water you are served by a tourist outfit is generally gringo-safe.
2) "Free Open Bar" here means the cheapest rotgut well liquor available. Sometimes the gastrointestinal distress (diarrhea) caused by the massive consumption of rotgut are worse than a bout of turista. Stick to the beer or soda that are offered (dos equis was the beer of the day).
3) Food is extra here. They wanted $13 USD for access to the buffet. Go for it if you want. You can also come by my house and I'll cook you all the Mexican food you can eat for thirteen dollars a person as well. We had guacamole and chips a la carte, which was pretty good.
4) The bus will leave you if you aren't on it in a timely manner. Check your watches carefully.
5) If you decide to go to Playa after the beach break, cab fare back to the ship is your responsibility.

Overall, this was a nice excursion, and for about $29 USD, it wasn't a terrible expense considering we had a section of the beach to ourselves.


Catamaran Sail and Snorkel: This was a good opportunity to try something new, as I had never been snorkeling before. Next time I would prefer to snorkel for a longer period of time. The staff was all very friendly and helpful. We only got roughly 40 minutes to snorkel, but it was a lot of fun. I saw several (about four or five) jellyfish. One girl got stung, but the crew was prepared for this eventuality. I saw a barracuda, as well as lots of other marine life. We then got one hour to bum around a beach that wasn't quite as nice as the one we visited for the beach break, but had free equipment. The tour seemed very rushed. They served Superior brand beer (Which I think is the Mexican equivalent of Milwaukee's Best) and rotgut margaritas, which I did not help myself to. The catamaran ride back was nice, but they did not really use the sails to get us back to the Holiday. It was nice, but for $45 USD, it was overpriced.

Service while aboard

I must say I have never been treated better anywhere else, especially in those areas where a relatively large gratuity is the custom. But I also received good service and friendly attitudes where nothing was expected or offered. Example: I was in an unbelievably long line for a few slices of pizza, as my dinner seating was not for another four hours. The little man working behind the counter had been hustling for a good fifteen minutes before it was my turn to be served. He was extremely cordial and nice to me and even asked me how my day was. It was such a simple thing, but it made me feel like he was happy with his job and that I wasn't just another schmuck waiting in line (even though I was).

In the formal dining area, Roderick and Suarsa (our waiter and assistant waiter respectively) did an excellent job of catering to our every whim. Roderick was very nice, provided information, answered our questions, and was quite understanding when we broke from formal table manners and tried each other's food. Suarsa was very nice and smiled a lot, but his English needed some major work. He didn't know the difference between white bread and wheat bread.

To this day, I still am not sure what our cabin steward looks like. His name was Rigoberto, and seemed to have an innate awareness of when we were not in our cabin. Everything was done in a timely manner. Beds were turned down, toilettes were cleaned, new towels were delivered. Cute little animals were created out of spare towels. All in all he did a smashing job.

Debarkation

This process took a while, but was relatively smooth. In fact, no customs agent even stopped us for a nanosecond. At the time of this writing, I still have my customs form in a blue jeans pocket. We decided to walk our luggage to our mini-van and take the detour around the maddening crowd of fleeing ex-cruisers.

Overall, I would recommend this cruise to first time cruisers who have no expectations and are not overly demanding/cranky and who don't have spoiled infantile children. I think excellent last-minute deals could be had on the Holiday's five-day cruise via Carnival's web site www.carnival.com.



Random Thoughts

Tipping

Do it. Most of the people who serve you will do so professionally and with a cheerful disposition. Keep in mind that they work 12-14 hour days, six to eleven months out of the year for a wage you would more than likely scoff at. These are the most honest, hard-working people I have ever met. They are mostly from third-world countries working hard to support their families. Unless they are egregiously indifferent toward you, give them at least the recommended amount with the realization that you probably will spend as much on them as you do on something trivial like hair styling products. The recommended tip for a 5-day cruise for your table waiter and room steward was $17.50 per person (if memory serves). My traveling buddy and I each tipped $25 to the waiter and $20 to the room steward and felt we could have given just a little more. Don't be a cheapskate. The suggested tip for assistant waiter was $10 per person and we each gave $12.50. Even if you don't eat a single day in formal dining, you should still tip the assistant waiter because when he is not serving you at dinner, he is in the informal dining area bussing tables and doing other tasks. The only person I had a problem tipping at all was the headwaiter, as he was some guy who (in my opinion and observation) did nothing to directly serve me. The maitre D (Lino) was at least humorous and seemed to remember me and greeted me warmly and asked me several times if my dining experience was pleasant.

Children

There were a lot of children being children, and there were a lot of little jerks running around the ship causing trouble. This was the biggest thorn in my side the entire trip.

Alcohol

The booze prices range from simply overpriced to amazingly expensive. Example: watered down cruise special in souvenir glass - about $6.99. Wine with dinner is about the best drunk for your buck. The cheapest merlot was $22. They also have drink specials, but read the fine print and ask about the specials before ordering a drink. Every time you buy a drink you're also paying a 15% gratuity charge on top of the price of the drink. I have a problem with this, because a few times in the Americana Lounge, it took a while for my frozen drinks to be brought to me. When they arrived they were only semi-frozen. Not a huge problem, but I would like to decide for myself if a server earned his or her tip. We smuggled vodka on board in a water bottle. Nobody ever searched us. My sister added green food coloring to an old Scope bottle filled with Smirnoff. We made a few drinks made of fountain lemonade and vodka. We really didn't drink that much on the cruise. We were far too tired to want to party all night, plus I feared adverse consequences had my body decided to get seasick.



Sail and Sign card

This card is a way of tracking your purchases on board and billing you for them later. You do not have the option of paying cash for most things on board. You can, however, put down a cash deposit on the card or you can put your credit card down to be billed next month. I don't have to tell you how easy this makes it to rack up a fortune in charges. My traveling buddy and I spent $400 in addition to the cost of the cruise and we were being somewhat careful about purchases.

Flushing the toilets

This is an odd one. In your cabin you pull the little button behind the seat cover in order to flush it. In public rest rooms, this is a push-button mechanism. I enjoyed this, as the public toilets could get pretty aromatic, and I opted to press the button with my foot.

Pools

These are mainly wading pools. Don't expect to swim laps in them. One pool has a really nice double-loop slide.

People

There were many, many good-looking women on this cruise. I'm not a wonderful judge of looks of men (I don't consider Brad Pitt to be a handsome looking guy), but I think there were far more good-looking women than good-looking guys.

Soft drinks/Fountain Fun Card

Unless you are addicted to carbonated beverages, this is a complete waste of money. The following beverages are available free on the Lido Deck: coffee, lemonade, fruit punch (Hawaiian punch style), instant iced tea, concentrated apple juice (other juices are available at breakfast on the Lido Deck). Other juices as well as some coffee drinks are available at certain times during formal dining. Spend your bucks on something else.

The Casino/Bingo

The Casino is a waste of money. You get no comps for playing the machines (NO FREE DRINKS). And the payouts on video poker suck. Bingo and blackjack (an eight-deck stack, if memory serves) are probably the best chances you have of winning any actual money. Bingo was played many times in the Americana lounge for $10 a card/$20 for three cards. The usual prize was $500, but they did offer up a free cruise for two and $1000 on at least one occasion.



Midnight Buffet

These were nothing at all to write home about. They offered standard fare with some sort of theme. I ate two of the five buffets: Tuesday night was Mexican night, the other night was quite a bit of seafood and picnic food. There were on average about fifteen to twenty selections. The gala buffet was a collection of food and ice carvings. Visually impressive, but the food didn't look that good, especially after having consumed my weight in beef Wellington just a few hours before.

I’m sure there are more details I could offer up, but I think I covered the subject pretty thoroughly.

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Recommended: Yes

Best Suited For: Friends