Florence, Italy by the Seat of Your Underpants
Written: Jul 29 '00 (Updated Jan 02 '01)
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Pros: Awesome history, food, surrounding countryside, street performers, and museums.
Cons: You could end up in your underwear!
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| kifwebe's Full Review: Florence |
Florence is a wonderful city, well deserving of its title as a mandatory tourist stop for those exploring Italy. Known in Italy as Firenze, its Catedral Duomo is unparalleled in its exterior beauty (its interior is somewhat unspectacular in comparison to others I saw throughout Europe), its Ponte Vecchio rich in history and one of the city's most well known landmarks, and its museums hold a wealth of masterpieces from Italy's best known painters and sculptors.
Florence by night is quite a different experience than it is prior to sunset. The wonderful markets which line the streets relieving tourists of their free flowing supply of lira close for the evening, and the glow from inside the numerous cafes and gelato shops beckon everyone inside, promising delectable treats that can only be imagined outside of Italy. Independent vendors unload huge duffle bags onto busy sidewalks to cash in on the insatiable need to spend, which they know doesn't cease when the more legitimate and more expensive outdoor markets have closed for the evening. The hustle and bustle of the city slows, but only slightly, as Florence is truly one of the most romantic and beautiful cities to wander at night with no set itinerary.
And then there's the street performers, one of Florence's defining characteristics by night. By day, artists from all over the world line the streets, splashing their canvases with wonderful water colors of the surrounding Tuscan countryside, and meticulously dabbing oils in the form of the historic buildings which line virtually every street. By nightfall, these artists are replaced by their counterparts of the performance persuasion, and it's truly a sight to behold. Firebreathers amaze crowds of curious onlookers, and others try to draw attention by walking on broken glass or breaking bricks with their heads. Storytellers, singers, and comedians can also be seen, all of whom make evenings in Florence a real treat (although watch for pickpockets).
For all of Florence's marvels, however, you might actually find yourself publicly stripped of all but your underwear feeling both humiliated and cold. Because this happened to me, I hope to help all of those who read this review to either avoid this situation entirely, or at the very least to avoid some of the inevitable embarrassment.
After dinner, Sarah and I set out to see Florence by night and perhaps find a nice cafe to enjoy some local wine. In the distance we saw a huge crowd, presumably surrounding a street performer. Upon closer inspection, we saw a sort of half Charlie Chaplin, half Bozo the Clown type character running amongst the raucous crowd blowing a whistle and generating thunderous applause and laughter. At the center of the crowd was an older woman, standing on one leg and doing her best to shake her backside at the request of our friend Bozo Chaplin. The surrounding crowd occupied nearly half a city block (this street was not open to traffic), and must have totaled at least 200. Nearly all of them were hysterical.
Sarah and I didn't know the situation's background, but still found the public humiliation of this woman pretty funny. Over the next half hour, the clown coaxed unsuspecting others from the crowd, and proceeded to humiliate them in hilarious ways. For example, he clamped one hand on the hem of the skirt of a beautiful young woman, and slowly bunched up the material until he was dangerously close to her, well, secret area. He then proceeded to bury a burning cigarette into the bunched up material (much to her chagrin), and then revealed that it had not burned the material, and in fact had completely disappeared. She escaped with only a few jokes about the smell of her feet, and of course the proximity of his hand to her crotch, and his sexually charged insinuations.
He was quite an adept magician, and managed to steal a woman's watch and a man's wallet, and in another trick he asked a man for a pack of cigarettes, which he placed in his pocket and, Poof!, they had disappeared. The original cigarette owner didn't find the trick funny at all, but the rest of us did. I could only feel sympathy for these people, but they eventually recovered their possessions. I felt real pity for the woman he had obviously chosen for his finale though.
She was wearing a miniskirt and a blouse, at least when she was first pulled onto center stage. Before long, the clown had removed her blouse, skirt, and shoes, all in a playful yet clever way, and furthered the humiliation by encouraging her to shake her backside and spin around in circles. You see, he had been making everyone who he brought on stage do these things, so by now it was understood that this was obligatory. While she could have walked away at any time, she went along with the act despite surely being both cold and embarrassed. They have to know each other I thought. Who would go along with this?
And then it was my turn. Yes, there are times when it's not convenient to be 6'4", and this was certainly one of them. He placed his cane around my neck - the guy who stood out from the crowd I suppose - and out I went with the half naked woman. He gave us both a balloon to blow up, which we did obediently. I knew I was in for trouble, and at least now I knew that this was no setup.
He put us through the normal routine, coaxing us to make idiots of ourselves, and then it was off with my clothes too! He took our balloons and had us both bend over into a kind of diving position, and before I knew it - whoosh - there went my shirt. He gave the balloon back to me, and had me hold it over my head. I knew what was coming, and I didn't want to be a party pooper, so off went my shorts. He went for my undies too, but that wasn't going to happen. To accompany my outfit, or lack thereof, he placed a feathery tiara on my head.
He tried to position the two of us in suggestive positions, but by that time my cohort had gotten pretty upset and refused. It seems our nudity and silly hats were the punchline, and for the first time during the act, I wasn't laughing. The sad part was that Sarah hadn't brought her camera, and 50 other people did. So while I have no evidence of this event, 50 strangers do. People that I don't know have pictures of me in my underwear. Oh the mortification.
That's my story. For suggestions on what to do in Florence, I humbly offer the following list of tips and activities. I hope they help:
1. Stay at the Aily Home (a hotel at Piazza Santo Stefano 1). It's located very near the Ponte Vecchio (you can get rooms facing the Arno river, and some actually have views), so the location is impossible to beat, but at the same time the prices are hostel-like. You'll have your own room and a shared bathroom, but the $40 per night (in October) price tag is incredible, especially because you can expect a hotel room in Florence to at least double that. I've also stayed in the Ostello Santa Monica (Via Santa Monaca 6), which is adequate, but the price is not much better than the Aily Home and you'll have to share a room with a bunch of others. That can have a plus side too, but if you're concerned about security and cleanliness, the Aily Home is an option for budget travellers where you'll have your own room.
2. Find a restaurant where there aren't many tourists. This can be a real challenge in Florence, but it's not impossible, especially if you cross over to the south side of the Arno river. There are dozens of small ristorantes there, so wander around until you find one that floats your boat. One of my favorites was called I Tarocchi, but it's in tourist guides so it can be packed with non-Italians. When I went it was mostly locals though, so I knew it would be good and I wasn't disappointed. If you find a place popular with the locals, you won't go wrong - guaranteed.
3. See the Uffizi Gallery. This is an absolutely mandatory museum for art lovers. It's truly a world class museum, and houses some of the better known works of Boticelli, da Vinci, Michelangelo, Tintoretto, Rembrandt, Goya, Rubens, Lippi, and Uccello.
4. Hang out in the Piazza del Duomo. By that I mean, don't just see the famous Duomo and leave. Sit on its steps and behold the chaos of Florence. It's one of the greatest places to people watch I've seen, and it might even make you want to be a more respectful tourist. In addition to the people, you'll see some of the most famous architecture in Italy. The true highlight of the Duomo is its exterior, which defies proper description.
5. Climb the Duomo's Bell Tower. You can get great views of Florence from this vantage, including the markets and the wonderful tiled rooftops of the surrounding buildings. You'll take tons of pictures from here.
6. See David. Maybe if I looked a little more like David, my underwear experience wouldn't have been quite so humiliating. And besides, the David statue and Florence are synonymous. You'll find him at the Galleria dell'Accademia. (As Penguinlady pointed out in the comments section, make sure you see the real David. There are 3 - the original at the Accademia, the copy in the Piazza della Signoria, where the original once stood, and the bronze copy in the Piazzale Michelangelo, across the Arno.)
7. Get out into the Tuscan countryside. Florence is beautiful, but the surrounding countryside is absolutely stunning. If you go in the fall, you'll see changing leaves, rolling hills, and unparalleled beauty. You may want to visit surrounding towns like Siena or San Gimignano, for which I'd recommend renting a car or scooter so that you can see the landscape at your leisure.
8. Check out the markets. There are some bargains, but you'll have to search for them. It's more of a spectacle than anything. You'll find the best outdoor markets near the appropriately named Piazza del Mercato Centrale.
9. Check out the street performances. Wear your finest underwear just in case. Better yet, find a nice spot in the back of the crowd and try not to stand out. You never know when you'll find yourself without your outer shell. In your best underwear, you'll be able to stand amongst the crowd with intense pride. I encourage you to check out my photo on my profile page. If you think you might have pictures of that night, I sure would love to have copies!
Recommended:
Yes
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kifwebe
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Location: :noitacoL
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