How bout some new States!
Written: Jan 27 '00 (Updated Feb 16 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: The End of Funny Money!
Cons: We Don't want Quebec
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| BadBob's Full Review: Canada |
What red-blooded Merican hasn't looked at a map of North Merica and drooled over that big hunk of realestate to our north? Why we ain't seized control over this country yet is beyond me. Heck, we stole most of the land we got now.
Now, I hear that when Donald Trumph gets elected President on the Reformation Party ticket, he's goin' make the aquisition of Canada a priority of his. The Donald justifies his stand by pointin to a vast Canadian conspirisy that's been dispruptin our economy for decades - Canadian Funny Money! Not only is The Donald findin these valueless coins in his slot machines, there also findin' there way into the pockets of everyday Mericans - EVEN OUR CHILDREN"S POCKETS!. Therefore, I support him 100 precent and below are 5 more compellin' reasons why we should invade Canada as soon as possible;
1. They Already Act Merican! - Yep, Ya can't tell a Merican from Canadian. They drive the same cars, eat the same junk food, and watch the same TV and commercials as we do. Most talk like us, cept they say "AAAH" alot (but we can break em of that habit). We are so much like them, that when terrorists hijack an airplane, all the Mericans turn into instant Canadians and the bad guys never know!
2. Natural Resourses - Boy they got plenty! Lumber, hockey players, oil, Moose antlers and breweries! And, the place is so darn big we'll have a dumpin' ground for our trash and nuklur waste for years!
3. They Won't Put Up a Fight - I never even herd of a Canadian ARMY! Whose goin' to stop us? All they got for protection are the RCMP. You know - those pretty boys in their red coats wearin' their smokey hats and a ridin' on horses. I doubt that the Royal Canadian Mountain Police will put up much of a fight against M1 Abram Tanks for long!
4. No Name Change for Provences - That's right. Each Provence will become a state and ya can keep yur name. The exception wuld be Saskaatiaewaen (that name has gotta go). Instead it will be known as North-North Dakota.
5. The Quebec Problem - This is a mite sticky. Quebecians can't stand the rest of Canada, and normal Canadians can't stand Qubecians. And we surely don't want them snobby Frenchies as part of the New Merica. So they can be their own mini-country bordered entirely by the New USA. We will surround the border with McDonald Golden arches and systematically insult their culture by droppin' leaflettes with Yogi Berra expessions written in bad French.
There ya be, as soon as The Donald wins the electun, we can welcome our new friends from the north. Until then, always be sure to check the change ya get from the 7-11 store, don't become anuther victim!
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
BadBob
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Member: Robert Grouch
Location: Mountains of Pennsylvania
Reviews written: 56
Trusted by: 214 members
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