Old Town Scottsdale

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A living ghost town... yuck!

Feb 13, 2000
Review by  
Rated a Very Helpful Review

Pros:lots of people to make fun of...

Cons:the people, atmosphere, and general yukky feel

I got the inspiration to write this epinion by my fellow epinioner waltlockley. Be sure to check his review out if you have not already.

So I was thinking. What is it about Old Town Scottsdale that really gives me the heebie-jeebies? Is it the people? Is it the town itself? Or is it just something in the air? Let us check out all of these possibilities, beginning with the "people."

I will explain why I use the word people so loosely. Basically it is because I am not all together too sure that these are actual people. As I mentioned in the review title, this could potentially be a living ghost town. Or at least a town filled with the undead. You have the skeletons walking around, skin wrapped over their bones so tight that if you touched them their flesh might simply snap off and whip you in the eye. Most of the women's faces are pulled back like a bow and arrow! You also have the vampires, which mostly own the coffee shops and such. They do everything possible to suck the lifeblood out of the poor living patrons that happen into their shops, hoping for friendly atmosphere. They are usually too naive to realize the subversive plan to sap you of your living elements and clean you out, leaving you as lifeless as they are. You also have the mummies, who will no doubt be buried with their wealth. Stuck inside a decorated sarcophagus, draped with gaudy pearl necklaces and expensive watches that do nothing but tell the time anyway. Maybe it is the people...

...but the place is fairly awful in itself. First of all, Old Town Scottsdale is mostly fake pink adobe. In the day it looks like you fell into Candyland. Something feels like it is stolen from me when I go to Old Town Scottsdale. Something inside me. Ever get that feeling? It feels like the place just might have been built on an ancient Pima Indian burial site. Like maybe one of the statues of an Indian standing outside the pink shops is going to come alive and scalp you. Creep city!

But then waltlockley brings up a good point. There is reason to believe that it is simply a virus. Except it seems like everyone has a desire for this virus. The kind of desire that has a martini in one hand while the other is beating its wife. You can feel the virus slowly penetrating your very being if you stick around in Old Town Scottsdale too long. This is the reason why the minute you see pink adobes you must turn around and run. Only return if you have a plot to subtly destroy this evil virus, and if you do, email me.


Recommend this product? No

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