Only in S.F.: Vibrator Museum and Masturbation Hall of Fame
Written: Sep 25 '00 (Updated Nov 30 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Adult friendly and amusing
Cons: The "museum" itself is too small
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| Mr.Eyore's Full Review: San Francisco |
At Good Vibrations, deep in San Francisco's historic Mission District, the lovin' business has come out of the dark.
If you are just visiting San Francisco, or if you're new to town, you have to visit the Mission District anyway. Take a walking tour of the famous Mission murals (created by Diego Rivera, individual muralists and the incredibly talented painters from Precita Eyes [www.precitaeyes.org]), pick up a torta or carnitas burrito from one of the dozens (hundreds?) of taquerias in the neighborhood, a drink at the ancient IRA funding source, the Dovre, and finish your visit with a stop at the vibrator museum at Good Vibrations on Valencia.
The museum itself is merely a rotating display of sex toys throughout history. At any given time, Good Vibrations will put six to ten devices onto the shelving unit that is the first thing you'll see when you walk through the door: Everything from hysterical (no pun intended) egg-beater devices to pitiful early attempts to recreate human physiology. It's an apt display for this storefront, given its recognition that the search for sexual satisfaction and the participation in playful lovemaking are both universal and ever-present. It also lets you know that Good Vibrations can take a scholarly approach to its subject without taking it too seriously.
Similarly, Good Vibes has, in the past, posted its masturbation hall of fame during what it bills as National Masturbation Awareness Month. Among the honorees are those who have made a name for themselves by publicly practicing the sport (think George "Wham" Michael and Paul "Pee-Wee" Rubens) and those who have spoken out positively on the subject. No celebrity is yet known to have picked up their plaque.
The staff is knowledgeable and friendly. You will see plenty of smiles in this place, but not too many juvenile giggles. The folks working the floor are willing and able to answer almost any question you have, but they won't insinuate themselves into your tour of the place. The customers are everyone from straight and gay couples, young college students to your grandparents.
1. Toys, Toys, Toys
There are certainly places in this world that offer a wider variety of sex-enhancing devices (The Pleasure Chest on Melrose in Los Angeles comes to mind), but unless you are a hard-core devotee to a particular kink (leather wear; high end S&M) you won't be missing anything. The place focuses on what most people are really likely to actually use. For instance:
Dildos and Vibrators: Good Vibrations carries just about every phallic device you can imagine: Strap-on dildos of every size and color (including rainbow), stand-alone varieties made from plastic, steel and silicone, pocket vibrators, bedside models and unreal soft silicone gel multi-speed vibes with super-vibrating bunnies, or hummingbirds or beavers attached to the top for that focused stimulation that so many women require. They also carry G-Spot wands: thin, curved devices intended to reach where standard vibes will not.
S&M Gear: As I said above, this is not a specialty shop for the leather set, but it's a great introduction for couples interested in a little harder play and they carry many of the staples of the trade. You'll find soft ankle and wrist restraints made from leather and padded with imitation mink fur (so throw those old ties attached to the bedposts away). They also carry all manner of nipple clips and clamps, spankers, whips, rings and blindfolds. These items can be purchased individually, or as "kits" containing all the basics you'll need to get started.
Condoms & Dams: Against the north wall of the store, Good Vibrations offers a respectable selection of bulk condoms in glass jars: everything from your standard 30 cent Trojans to $2.00 inventions with swirly ribs and extra "skin" intended to message the underside of the user. This is not Condomania or Condoms, Condoms, Condoms, so you may not find the brand that you are devoted to, but Good Vibrations offers enough variety that you should find something to meet your needs. They also carry an array of flavored and unflavored, large and small dental dams in a number of colors.
Stuff for the Boys: I don't want to hear any more pissin' and moanin' from the guys about how all the good stuff out there is geared toward the girls. Not with what Good Vibes has to offer. Recent developments in silicone technology have made it possible to manufacture toys for boys that feel almost like the real thing. They've got soft, anatomically correct, molded replicas of all your favorite porn-stars' lower torsos out there now. And for around $60.00, this store sells an item called the Fleshlight, which is shaped like a large flashlight and holds a silicone sleeve that can be warmed in water and which comes in three distinct, um, interfaces. Use your ‘magination. After seeing this thing with Pookie, I know what I'm gonna find under my Christmas tree this year.
Butt-Play: Whether your looking for a training device or prostate stimulation, I think Good Vibrations has everything you'll need. This isn't my area of interest, so I can't really speak to the comprehensiveness of their stock, but I have seen plugs in every shape and size, smooth and threaded, as well as wands and all manner of beads, including newer varieties with no string knots or sharp edges from the molding process.
Novelty Items and Miscellany: Good Vibrations carries all the stuff you thought would be cool when you were 17 and then discovered that they were mostly a waste of time, like edible undies, those fruit roll-ups of the lingerie world. They also have all manner of message oils and aromatherapy ... things, and powders and candles and whatnot.
2. Library & Bookstore
Among similar stores, Good Vibrations has the most comprehensive library of books relating to sex, sexuality, fetishes, erotica, physiology and the like. There are introduction books for any type of activity you could imagine partaking in, advanced instructional manuals and coffee table books.
3. Movies
Good Vibrations has a nice, though not vast, selection of adult movies. Keep in mind, though, that this place caters to couples more than solo fetishists. There is an adequate selection of your basic commercial porn, but there are also an array of instructional videos (everything from massage to "How to Restrain Your Lover"), a small, but apparently hand-picked library of fetish videos, and the Candida Royale line of more "woman-centered" straight pornography that doesn't focus on (as the industry calls it) the money shot.
4. Prices
It's easy enough to check Good Vibrations' website and other sites to compare prices on your own. There is certainly no shortage of "sex toy" virtual stores. My personal experience has been that Good Vibrations regularly offers lower prices than its competitors. Sometimes the prices are higher, but more importantly, to me, is that I always get the sense that the prices are honest. They don't sell a bunch of rarely purchased items at low low prices as loss leaders for overpriced popular items.
Central to the value you will get from a shopping experience here, though, is that they won't try to sell you useless items. Check out any other porn purveyor and take a look at what they have to say about Ben-Wa Balls; then ask someone at Good Vibrations. They'll tell you that these supposed eye-crossing accessories from ancient China are largely a hoax with no actual benefit or legitimate use. They'll still sell ‘em to you if you want ‘em, but as kitsch, not a sex toy.
They also won't try to make sure you walk out of the store with something ... anything. They will tell you that that $12.00 lipstick case vibrator is likely to break and point you to a more reliable product. They won't discount the humor value of some of the eclectic items, but they're careful to point out that the standard plug-in personal massager (which you can pick up at any drugstore) will still give you the most bang for your buck.
5. The People
It's probably not fair to leave a discussion of the folks who run Good Vibrations until last, because they are so much the reason why this place is special. But people who don't live in San Francisco may not care that the "co-owners" of Good Vibrations are important members of the San Francisco community. Like many cities, San Francisco has a colorful and diverse community of people frequently drawn together by issues of sex and sexuality. Unlike many cities, these groups in San Francisco tend toward the highly educated, curious and active ... and they're out in the open. There are support groups, clubs, web-sites, advice columnists and classes, and any survey of these "communities" will find that some of the best information and strongest support is coming from current or former associates of Good Vibrations. Carlyn Lotney, the infamous "Fairy Butch," is but one of Good Vibes' many published authors and instructors who bring good sex wherever they go.
As a tourist attraction alone, Good Vibrations' museum and hall of fame would not rate five stars. It's probably not worth a special trip just to see it. But as a stop on a general tour of the mission, and a purveyor of fine toys in a comfortable environment, I'm convinced that this place has no equal.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
Mr.Eyore
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Reviews written: 129
Trusted by: 300 members
About Me:
I come for the pervasive sense of elitist self-importance and semi-witty expressions of faux camaraderie
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