Pub Crawling Through Boston (A Lengthy Guide to Drinking in New England's Crown Jewel)
Written: Jan 05 '02 (Updated May 23 '06)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Clean city, plenty of night life, friendly locals.
Cons: Its hard to understand the friendly locals sometimes.
The Bottom Line: Boston is a great city and a great place to go if you're young, single and have a soft spot for our dear friend alcohol.
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| nolan_j_sephoy's Full Review: Boston |
This past summer me and some guys, who for lack of a better word I call friends, took a road trip to Baltimore to watch a Baltimore Oriole-Philadelphia Phillies game. Okay, it was more like we used the baseball game as an excuse to get away from the women in our lives and drink like Irish novelists. Anyway, we had a ball, even if Wayne Gomes single handedly blew the game for the Phils and a burly Oriole fan named Burt almost murdered us. On the way home we were actually a little depressed that the weekend had come to an end. To cheer ourselves up, we decided to look ahead and plan another trip this time to Boston. The understanding being that Boston is a major league college town, which means it's bars would be crawling with coeds. Instead of waiting for the summer to roll around again, we thought that making a Flyers-Bruins game the excuse for loading a car full of booze and blowing town was an excellent idea. As fate would have it the gurus at the National Hockey League were kind enough to schedule a Flyers/Bruins game in Boston on a Saturday. Unfortunately, it was a Saturday in December meaning it would be cold as hell in Boston, but hey nothing's perfect.
We put off planning the event until Dino was far enough in the bag on an autumn Sunday afternoon to shoot his mouth off about scheduling the Boston trip. As Ernest Hemmingway once said, "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. It’ll teach you to keep your mouth shut." So, we called Dino on his drunken boast and he ordered six tickets to the game. Now, when we went to Baltimore it was seven of us, and all seven agreed to go to Boston. Of course two guys backed out. We figured one guy would back out so this left us with only one extra ticket, a situation we remedied by inviting a 27-year-old borderline alcoholic named Meat. The last time I saw Meat he was trying to walk THROUGH a mural in order to exit a bar.
Anyway, we were able to snag six tickets from Ticketmaster. It was then up to me to book the hotel room, deciding to go cheap-or at least relatively cheap-I went with a Holiday Inn Select in downtown Boston. We then decided to rent an SUV for the six-hour ride north. We went with Avis. Then I got directions to Boston off of Mapquest.com. We all originally figured that we would take I-95 straight up to Massachusetts then look for the "Boston" exit. Once we thought this through we opted to actually get directions. I now give you my Boston experience as it happened.
Friday December 14. 4:00 PM
AVIS RENT A CAR
The fine folks at Avis were extremely pleasant and efficient. Dino and I got all the paperwork settled in about fifteen minutes. We were then instructed to go to spot G20 and pick up our white Mitsubishi 4 Runner. We get outside and noticed that in spot G20 are actually three cars parked across the spot, none of which is a Mitsubishi. We then walked over to the nearest 4 Wheel Drive SUV which was a Forest Green Izusu Trooper. Figuring we may as well just take this, we got in and drove off. When we got to the gate we began to see a flaw in our plan. There was a guy checking the paperwork for all the cars leaving the lot. Damn. We were snagged, but no use turning around now, we get to the guy at the gate, I wave the rental contract at him and without looking at it he waves us through. It was just two stops now, one for the booze and less importantly one for the rest of our party, before we got on the road north.
THE RIDE NORTH
One of our party, a scoundrel named Leatherneck, dropped out of the trip at the last minute. He informed us he could not go to Boston because…because…well he's yet to give us a believable reason and he told us this as we were packing the truck. This meant that everything would be split five ways instead of six. That Leatherneck is a real pain in the @ss.
We followed the directions that MAPQuest gave us. These directions basically told us to go North on I-95 until we hit New Jersey, then take the Jersey Turnpike North until we hit New York then get lost. My driving was not helped by the fact the directions were written in Sanskrit and that our "sixth Passenger", the Captain (Captain Morgan’s Rum) was being ingested, liberally, by three of my passengers. This sucked because A) driving with drunks is probably the single most difficult thing to do, putting up with debates about the Beatles and the Stones, whether or not we should turn off the highway and look for the Playboy Mansion is not fun; and B) I really wish I was getting drunk instead of driving.
Now a word about MAPQuest. It sucks. Well, I guess that's two words. The directions this website gave us took us all through Connecticut, then into the middle of Massachusetts before it banked us Eastward to Boston. While at a gas station on some backwoods road in Connecticut, we asked the attendant which way was faster, take I-95 straight up to Boston from Philadelphia or, the kooky way MAPQuest told us to go? The guy told us I-95 was definitely the way to go. Not only was it probably a half-hour faster, it was much, much easier. This theory we put into practice and proved on our return trip where we managed to make it home taking I-95 only in an hour faster than the way MAPQuest gave us despite the fact our return trip was through a New England blizzard.
11 PM BOSTON HOLIDAY SELECT
5th and Blossom
Checking in was going to be a b*tch. I had taken a position in backseat as Dino took over driving somewhere around Hartford. From then on I was polishing off the bottle of Captain Morgan's while Office Dibble and The Shark were passed out on each of my shoulders. By the time we arrived I was pretty far gone. Somehow I managed to check us in, and the desk clerk informed us that there was a bar directly across the street from the hotel called The Hill. Apparently, I gave the desk clerk my credit card a fact I wasn't aware of until three days later when we checked out.
11 PM – 2:00 AM THE HILL
5th and Blossom
The hill was a nice little Sports Bar that had an ultra cool Sam Malone number 16 Red Sox jersey hanging behind the bar. The bartender that night looked like Benjamin Franklin and was giving us beer on the house because his daughter lived in Philadelphia. One of our party (me) mentioned Larry Bird in a very disparaging way.
We were lucky to leave The Hill with our lives.
Saturday December 15
1:00 PM THE HILL
5th and Blossom
Lunch/breakfast at the Hill. I’m beginning to become a little concerned that all we see of Boston is the sixty feet of pavement between our hotel and this bar. Sober this time around I can actually appreciate the warm friendly atmosphere. At least until someone recognizes me from the night before as "that @sshole who hates Larry Bird." The food was pretty good, if not extraordinary. The service was impeccable. Our waitress overheard us talking about going to the hockey game and drew us a map on a napkin showing us the route from the bar to the arena. She went as far as to mark off the bars along the way which happen to be in a section of Boston called Fennuil Hall.
2:30 PM – 7:00 PM FENNUIL HALL
Forgive me but I can’t recall the name of the bars we stopped in at Fennuil Hall, because literally there was a bar every ten feet. The first place we stopped in was a very spacious place with a very long bar and the Giants/Cardinals game on the TV. We stayed long enough to watch the wretched, evil New York Football Giants rally around their semi-recovering alcoholic, and balding, quarterback to take a squeaker from the fabled in story and song Arizona Cardinals.
The second place we stopped in was in a prime location just around the corner from a fish market. It stands out im my memory because of the very lovely bartenders and because it was where we met Todd and Gina. Todd was the first person we met in Boston that had that great New England accent. Though we couldn't get him to say he "Pahked the cah in Havahd Yahd," he did tell us that going to see "Larry Bihd at the Bahstahn Gahdens" was quite a joy. It was getting late. Todd suggested after the hockey game we head to a bar by the Fleet Center called "The Hop". Apparently the Hop was a really jumping place after Bruins or Celtics games and he assured us we'd have a great time.
As we walked towards the Fleet Center the Shark was looking for the Hop. He couldn’t find it anywhere. Todd must have told the Shark that there was free beer at the Hop because the Shark searched for this place with a fervor that can only be compared to King Arthur's quest for the Grail. A block from the Fleet Center we decided to scalp the extra ticket we had. Apparently, Bruin tickets are a rare commodity as we were able to sell our ticket that had a fifty dollar face value for the whopping total of ten bucks. A buyer's market in deed.
7:00 PM – 10:00 PM THE FLEET CENTER
I'll review the Fleet Center seperately, but let's just say if you're thirsty you're screwed. I spent the entire first intermission and three minutes of game time into the second period waiting in line to get a beer. I didn't make the same mistake in the second intermission as I got my limit two beers with three minutes left in the second thereby avoiding the intermission rush. That's using the ol' noggan, Joe!
10:00 PM – END OF THE NIGHT
Excited about the Flyers trouncing of the Bruins, we hit the streets looking for The Hop. It wasn't until the next day that I figured out that Todd wasn't saying "go to the Hop," but instead was trying to say, "go to the Harp" but his accent was so thick we heard "Hop". This was confirmed when we asked a cab driver if a place called the Hop existed by the Fleet Center and were informed, "No, but there is a place called the Harp."
By the time I got back to the room to watch the Evander Holyfield Vs. Some Scrub fight I was starving. Typically, there was no room service after 11. However the front desk did suggest we call a hamburger place or a Chinese place located by the Holiday Inn. I called the burger joint, the Shark called the Chinese place. Each place took under fifteen minutes to deliver and the food was delicious. Of course maybe I loved it because I was so drunk and hungry. But obviously not as drunk and hungry as Dino and Meat who walked in the room at 3 AM eating Calamari...Calamari that they got from a room service plate one of our fellow guests left outside there room as refuse. This sparked a heated debate which raged until sunrise about whether Dino and Meat should now be considered trash pickers and garbage eaters.
SUNDAY DECEMBER 16
4:00 PM CHAMP'S SPORTS BAR
The Marriot
We wanted to watch the Eagles/Redskins game and were told the place to go was Champ's. Champ's was a madhouse. Folks were lined up four deep at the bar. Every booth was overflowing with people. We had an hour wait for a table. Luckily we arrived shortly before 3 and the game did not begin until 4. We decided to hit the hotel bar in the Marriot while we waited for our table.
At the Marriot bar we got dinner/lunch/breakfat whatever, we ate. They had a pretty wide selection for a bar menu, but then again I guess we were just ordering from the hotel kitchen so in actuality their selection isn't that impressive. God, I'm a moron.
When we got our table in Champ's we were impressed to find our own personal 19 inch television. It was kind of like watching the Eagles game in someone's kitchen. This was great because not only could we decide what game we wanted to watch and control the volume but afterwards we were able to watch the Simpsons in our booth.
The food at Champ's was your normal run of the mill sports bar fair, nachos, wings, etc. In the five hours we were there our bill came in at $202.02. I remember this clearly because I guessed 202 dollars when we were wagering on what the bill would be. Congratulations, me.
8:30 PM – 10:00 PM BULL AND FINCH PUB
5th and Beacon Streets
I've already reviewed the Bull and Finch Pub so I'll just sum it up by saying I liked the place, my friends didn't. The coolest thing besides the outside of the bar being from the show Cheers is across the street is the park where GOOD WILL HUNTING was filmed. The park is actually very nice regardless of the movie tie-in and probably would be enjoyed more by young couples in love than it was by five dumbasses stumbling through the city.
10:30 PM – 12:00 AM THE 7's
77th and something
Within walking distance from the Bull and Finch Pub is a place called the 7's, which, if television and film has not lied to me, is set up like a pub in Ireland. It also has a framed Eddie LeBec jersey. It was easily the nicest bar we visited in Boston, complete with digital dartboard. The regulars were young, hip, nice people and it was truly a place to hang out and relax free of pretension. I heard the Lemmonhead’s song "Drug Buddy" played on the jukebox, so I went over and played it NINE times, much to the chagrin of the regulars and staff alike. "Hey buddy, why the hell did you play that song nine times? What ha ya retahded? And if you do that on my shoes again, I’m kicking you out of the bah!"
12:30 AM – CLOSING
SOMEPLACE
We wound up in a seedy little joint that was located somewhere between the 7's and the Holiday Inn. For some reason I think it was called the TapRoom, or the Tap. But that may have been the name of the bar from Fennuil Hall. Next time I'll have to write this stuff down as I'm doing it. I don't remember much about this place except it was seedy and cheap.
3:00 AM
Rusty's Roast Beef
Located under the elevated T Stop (or elevated train/El to the rest of us) is a greasy little joint called Rusty’s that specializes in the funkiest damn roast beef sandwiches I've ever had. It tasted great, though I can't place exactly what I tasted. The sight of the beef that had an orange glow and a wacky aftertaste sickened the Shark, who is a gourmand with impeccable taste. However, it did have some girl who was half-naked despite the 15-degree temperature outside, and a gumball machine that judging by the many photos taken of me with my arm around it must be my favorite gum dispensing apparatus on the planet.
So, there you have it: my guide to a three day long pub-crawl through Boston. Admittedly, I'm not exactly a globetrotter. The only major cities I've really been to are: Baltimore (nice); Miami (hold on to your wallet); New York (rat-infested Hell Hole); Orlando (hard to define, beware of the locals); Pittsburgh (ugly, ugly city); Washington, DC (okay); Wildwood, NJ (Scary, and yes I know, not really a major city) and Boston was easily the cleanest, nicest and most fun place I've ever been even if we went on a wild goose chase because we couldn't understand Todd.
Recommended:
Yes
Best Suited For: Singles
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Epinions.com ID:
nolan_j_sephoy
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Member: Joe Boylan
Location: Philadelphia, PA USA
Reviews written: 65
Trusted by: 9 members
About Me:
You know finger prints are just like snowflakes, they're both very pretty.
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