Take the Bloom Tour of Boston
Written: Dec 10 '00
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Amazing!
Cons: Too small to share properly
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| LeopoldBloom32's Full Review: Boston |
I can't believe that I'm writing a piece suggesting that people travel to Boston-- tourists are such a pain in my side. Boston is so small and difficult for the unexperienced to navigate that tourists are a near-constant source of frustration for those of us who live here year-round.
Just two days ago, I suggested that laws should be amended to allow anyone from Boston, Brookline, Cambridge or Somerville to urinate on tourists because word would spread quickly:
"How was your trip to Boston, Jim?"
"It was really great until some guy in a Red Sox cap peed on me. Then he laughed and said 'Welcome to Boston.'"
"Yeah, that happened to my brother, too. I'm never going there."
Then I realized that tourism is one of Boston's largest industries, and without it I could lose my job in the subsequent New England recession. Please, visit Boston, take advantage of the tips below, and have a great time. Thanks for keeping my city afloat and I promise that we won't pee on you!
1. Don't Sleep in the Subway, Darlin'-- There's lots written about all the major hotels in Boston, but very little about the Bed and Breakfast establishments located all over Boston proper. One such establishment is the 82 Chandler Bed and Breakfast. I live on the street, so I can vouch for the location's beauty and convenience-- circa 1850 townhouses located two blocks from an Amtrak and subway station. I've leered through 82's ground floor windows as I walk by, and it looks great inside, too. Stay in a charming B and B instead of some sterile hotel.
2. For the Love of G-d, Don't Drive-- Take our subways, which we refer to as "The T." If you don't live in Boston, you can't drive here without p*ss*ng off everybody around you. I'm not suggesting that you're a bad driver; I'm suggesting that Boston is old and poorly planned. That bad planning is part of its charm, provided that it hasn't caused some guy from Buffalo to block two lanes of traffic while he fumbles with his map.
3. I Left Out Seafood Because I Don't Know Anything About It-- Here are some great restaurants:
Bar food- The Sunset Grill, at the corner of Harvard and Brighton in Allston has great food and a huge beer selection.
Pizza- Ernesto's, which is a bare-bones "Get it at the counter and then sit down" place, has the absolute best pizza in Boston. I feel strongly about this, so I challenge anyone who disagrees with me to knife fight.
Indian- Tanjore, which is located at 18 Elliott St near Harvard Square in Cambridge is fantastic. Rangoli, which is across from the aforementioned Sunset Grill, is a close second.
Italian- Conventional wisdom says to go to the North End for Italian food. I think that Appetito, at the corner of Appleton and Tremont in the South End, has food just as good as any North End establishment without the impossible crowds.
Chinese- I like Chau Chow city on Beech Street in Chinatown. It's good food reasonably priced and it's open late.
4. Look at This!:
Museum of Fine Art: The name is accurate. MFA has an impressive collection of art from antiquity to present.
Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum: More eclectic and no concern for layout describes the ISG. See it just for the courtyard and to marvel that this was a house that somebody lived in. Additionally, security is particularly lax here, so you might wind up with a Rembrandt to hang above your fireplace.
The Freedom Trail: It's a red line that leads people from one historic site to the next. It does a good job-- you'll see Crispus Attucks' grave in the Tremont cemetery, Paul Revere's house and everything between.
Fanueil Hall/Quincy Market: A mall in several historic buildings. Tourists love this place as rats love cheese.
John Hancock Tower observation deck: This is the tallest spot in Boston and it affords absolutely excellent views. The entrance is on Copley Square, and be sure to check out Trinity Church while you're there.
Newbury Street: It's hard to separate the cool stuff from the pretentious. You'll find both, but it's worth seeing if only to laugh at the poseurs.
Harvard Square: See Newbury Street. It's the same deal.
The Common/Public Gardens: The Common is the oldest public park in the country. The Public Gardens features a duck pond with boats that you can take a ride on (summer only) and amazing natural beauty for a city center. Be sure to take your kids to the statues of Mrs. Duck and her ducklings from Robert McCloskey's "Make Way for Ducklings." If you haven't introduced this book to your kids, you're a bad parent.
Beacon Hill: The roads are winding, the buildings are old and beautiful, the most important stuffed shirts in the country used to live here. Wouldn't you like to say that you've seen it?
That's plenty to get you started, potential visitor to my fair city. Have a great time and don't stand next to me in the men's room.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
LeopoldBloom32
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Location: Boston! Massachusetts
Reviews written: 46
Trusted by: 17 members
About Me:
"Mr. Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls"-- James Joyce
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