Seekonk Speedway led me to find the Area of my Butt
Written: Sep 03 '01
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Cool races, especially spectator drags.
Cons: Seating? What seating? Ladies, better wear depends.
The Bottom Line: Seekonk Speedway is alright. I will probably find myself in the spectator races next year.
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| mattjoe's Full Review: Massachusetts |
Situated in Seekonk MA, on Route 6, is an itty bitty race track known as Seekonk Speedway.
This race track is absurd in its smallness. Size matters.
After driving past Seekonk Speedway, sitting in its traffic weekend after weekend, year after year, I finally popped my cherry and attended a race.
What did I learn?
Standing SUCKS!
Yes, it is true, Seekonk Speedway has far to few seats. They say the speedway has room for 10,000, and that doesn't surprise me, but it also probably means that 6,000 of them (at least) are standing.
Standing for HOURS on end stinks, there is no way around it. If you stand in sand it isn't terribly bad, because it probably means you are at a beach. If you stand at a race track, more than likely, you're standing on concrete/asphalt. Not as soft as sand.
Standing, takes a huge toll on your heels, feet and knees.
Sitting, now that is preferred.
Having painful feet and knees led me to wonder, just what was I experiencing there?
I sought to determine the area of my feet.
Having measured them, and averaged their width, I found out that each foot takes up around 30 square inches. Having two feet meant that I had 60 square inches contacting the ground and dealing with all 205 pounds of me. That is 3.4166666 pounds distributed PER SQUARE INCH! That takes a toll.
I determined, that based on my enjoyable experience at New Hampshire International Speedway, that sitting was far more enjoyable, and comfortable. Why?
Well, I was determined to find out why, and was certain that it had something to do with the area of my butt.
ASSuME that my butt is a perfect circle, (perfect I know, a circle? probably close enough for our calculations) to determine the area of my butt, I was forced to sit (because you have to take account of spread) on a ruler (not the long way- OUCH!) I found that the distance from the middle (crack) was 7.75 inches, that would be the radius. Knowing that area equals pie times radius squared, I found out that my butt equals 188.69186 square inches. (Insert BABY GOT BACK comment here)
So what does the area of my butt have to do with anything? Simple, it means that my weight would be distributed over 188.69186 inches, butt what now is my weight when seated? To find out, I sat on the scale. 175. (as leg weight no longer counts) This meant that only .9274379 pounds were distributed per square inch of my rear. That is only like 15 ounces. considering the cushion that is my butt, it is clear that watching a race seated is far easier, and more comfy comfy than it is standing. As you can see, standing exerts almost 4 times as much pressure on your feet than sitting on your butt does.
Sitting=good
Standing= BAD, VERY BAD.
(and you thought algebra and geometry would never come in handy in your life. GO STAND IN THE CORNER!)
Butt, back to the Speedway.
Seekonk Speedway is SMALL!
My parents farm is bigger than Seekonk Speedway.
The race track measures a MERE 1/3 of a mile oval. Of course, that measurement is from the outside of the track, not the bottom. A third of a mile is TINY. It is amusing that Seekonk Speedway is referred to as an ultra fast oval. It is not even remotely close to fast, let alone ultra fast. I drive faster up and down my street than the cars go on the track of Seekonk Speedway. (yeah I speed, what you gonna do about it?)
On weekends during the summer Seekonk Speedway holds various races. Their big new news is that they got the NASCAR Pro Stock, and Busch North series races to come to the teeny tiny oval. Of course, that meant they jacked the prices up to attend.
The prices.
The cost to attend races varies. The races I attended cost 17 George Washingtons. (That is 5.666 "Big and Tasty" extra value meals for those of you keeping score at home)
On certain nights during the year, Seekonk Speedway has fireworks (in a (stupid) state that outlaws fireworks) AND, even more importantly has SPECTATOR DRAG RACES!
SPECTATOR DRAG RACES are one of the coolest things.
Why?
These races consist of people who have the nerve (or stupidity) to take their street cars out on the track and race them, one on one, for one lap, until there are only 2 cars left, when they race two laps for the winner. You lose, you're gone.
The spectator drag races last a while, with well over 100 people thinking they have some kind of chance to win, a good time is sure to be had by all. You see plenty of Ford Mustang 5.0 be put to absolute shame by front wheel drive 4 cylinder Japanese cars. Why? Handling. This track is so tiny, having a high top speed doesn't matter much. Having a 10 second 1/4 mile car doesn't mean anything either. You start at the start/finish line, go a couple hundred feet, turn left, go down a short 420 feet back stretch, then turn left and you're done, spinning your tires on a start means you're probably going to lose. Last nights winner was a mid nineties Mitsubishi 3000GT. In fact, two of the final 3 cars were 3000GT's. Just goes to show, quick 0-30 time and good handling will beat just about any car at that track. Making a good show through a number of rounds was a Dodge Stratus R/T (if you can believe it) a Saturn 4 door actually killed a bunch of other cars, and most impressive of the night, a 1998 Cadillac Eldorado went about 3 or 4 rounds deep in the competition. It was most outstanding to see this pimp car destroy many little rice burners and other all show no go pretenders. It was a sad moment when the Cadillac had to exit the track.
The new Subaru WRX's were shown to be pretenders. Not enough Horsepower.
Ford Mustangs?
Found On the Road Dead.
The facility.
Seating!
Umm, did I mention there isn't nearly enough seats?
You should be sold a ticket being told that it is standing room only at this point. If you are lucky enough to get a seat, you are either on steel bleacher seats with no backs, or you are on concrete seat/steps. Both highly preferable to standing.
BATHROOMS!
Men's bathroom is your typical go pee in a trough stand shoulder to shoulder with some other guy type.
LADIES room, or lack thereof.
I haven't any idea how many ladies rooms there is at Seekonk Speedway, but my best guess is no more than 4. And judging by the line at the ladies room the entire night, there may not even be that many. Note to ladies. If you even think you're going to have to pee, not when you feel like you're going to have to go, but when you THINK you might have to go soon, GO STAND IN LINE!
The line for the ladies room was ALWAYS longer than the beer line.
BEER!
Umm, $4.00 for a cup of beer?
Hello boys and girls, today's word of the day is Extortion. Can you say Extortion? I knew you could.
FOOD!
Not much of a selection. Fries, pizza, nachos, fried chicken, that kind of stuff. What was the word of the day again?
I WANT COLD BEVERAGE! I WANT COLD BEVERAGE HERE!
At New Hampshire International Speedway, we could bring in coolers loaded with alcohol. (Yeah, I'm becoming an alcoholic, wanna make something of it?) At Seekonk Speedway, you are allowed to bring in 6 pack sized coolers only!
What is that? Like a lunch box?
Oh, and ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL!
Why?
Clearly not because they think that you don't need alcohol to have a good time (don't ever believe that) But because they want to EXTORT MONEY FROM YOU.
What else isn't allowed?
I'm not sure, but judging from the looks of the box the cops were standing near, and what they were taking away from people, I have deduced that SALSA is a prohibited item. Salsa? No, not the dancing, the sauce. Or perhaps it was the glass jar that salsa is housed in. I saw jars of salsa in the confiscated by "THE MAN" box. As we all know, this was CLEARLY just "ANOTHER CASE OF THE MAN, KEEPIN US DOWN"
As you can see, we are coming closer and closer to a police state. When THE GUB'MENT starts taking away your salsa, you know that it isn't to long before you are living in a communist state. It is a sad day when your right to keep and bear SALSA has been infringed.
STUFF TO BUY
Lots of things, like shirts, stickers, and other race related stuff. You can find it cheaper on the web or at the mall.
CAN YOU SEE?
Yeah, pretty much, unless you're standing and all the tall fat people decide to stand up infront of you as the cars race to the line. Then, you can see fat tall people, and that's about it.
PARKING!
There is PLENTY of parking, but coming and going SUCKS!
Even with the overpaid cops working details to let you in and out of the track, you're going to be there a long, long time, better fill up that gas tank so you can sit there and idle.
Seekonk Speedway regularly has races which include figure eight races (awesome) demolition derby, 1/2 size stock cars, and many other seriously dented up cars. So go if you're a race fan, butt be sure you go real early, unless you have huge feet.
Oh, and the hot chic ratio is far greater than New Hampshire International Speedway had. Tube tops rule!
Recommended:
Yes
Best Suited For: Friends
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mattjoe
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Unable to be trusted how to spread my wealth around on my own.
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