The sixth fastest shrinking city in America for a reason.
Written: Nov 23 '00
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Product Rating:
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Pros: It's small, so it's easily driven through.
Cons: I can give you one for every letter in the alphabet.
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| HunterSBoy's Full Review: Cincinnati |
Man, what a dump. Sorry, locals, I'm sure you're all real happy with your city and all, but I can't understand why. As a visitor to your fair city, I'll try to relate why it disappointed me so.
Transport - what major city in the USA has no inter-city passenger train line? Cincinnati, that's who. It's not like it's be hard to build, and it's not like Cincinnati is such a new city that it hasn't got around to it yet. They just don't like public transport here. Heck, they just built a bridge over the river, but do you think they put pedestrian access on it? Hell no. Drive or die seems to be the motto. On the plus side, they do plan to have a train through town by 2004. Pigs hope to fly by the same time.
Aesthetics - well there's some fine old buildings around Cincy. Some really grandiose old brick skyscrapers that eminate the skyline. But then what? Four things. Ugly bridges, ugly riverboats, ugly new buildings and ugly stadiums. Actually, credit where it's due, Cinergy Field (formerly Riverfront Stadium) is a great little ballpark. But they're pulling it down... The riverfront is one huge car park, the new football stadium is as ugly as manmade structures will ever get, and the historic riverboats have been turned into TGI Fridays and Applebees. Ick.
The law - nasty nasty individuals with a heavy hand and no respect for the letter of the law they're sworn to protect. And they spend all their time arresting convenience store owners for selling Penthouse. Seriously.
The KKK - the local Klan chapter can be seen each Christmas erecting a crucifix in Cincinnati's Fountain Square. Fabulous. What century are we in?
TV - Television in Cincy is great... if you enjoy religious programming. I don't. Next.
Sports - The Bengals stink. The Reds pay their janitors more than they pay their manager. Nobody would set up an NBA team here to save their life. But they do have a decent IHL hockey team. Reasons to be cheerful...
Weather - Tornado alerts, frost, and a constant thick haze. No tans to be seen in Sin-C.
Liquor - not if it's Sunday. On Sunday you have to drive into Kentucky to buy a bottle of wine. On any other day the bars close at 2am.
Cuisine - there's a decent Indian place in town and a big food court in Carew Place... and that's all. Over the river you can find every fast food restuarant known to man, and the locals seem to live on Skyline Chili. But don't expect to indulge in what the out'a'towners call 'fine dining'.
The river - brown. Sometimes green.
In summary, Cincinnati is a city that is slowly self-destructing. The town is still run by the folks who used to chase Larry Flynt around in the early Hustler days (the town sherrif is still the same guy portrayed in The People Vs Larry Flynt, he was just re-elected unopposed), with the minor exception of former Mayor Jerry Springer who found work elsewhere after being caught with hookers...
It stinks. Come watch your football team kick the tar out of theirs, then leave. Quickly.
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
HunterSBoy
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Location: Las Vegas NV
Reviews written: 55
Trusted by: 18 members
About Me:
The man no Hollywood marketer can fool. Yet they continue to try.
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