Crack Cocaine, Prostitutes, Demonic Stairs, and More
Written: May 11, 2009
a Very Helpful Review
by the Epinions community
Pros:Prostitutes, Marion Barry, Demonic Spirits, Strip Clubs, Fish, High Crime Areas
The Bottom Line: There's less murders here than Detroit. It has prostitutes, crack pipes, and more.
As the Nation's Capital, Washington D.C. has a lot of history and places of interest to visit. You could go wave to President Obama, smoking on the White House balcony, or run over flocks of geese that congregate at East Potomac Park. There's the Smithsonian Museums, which know the meaning of banker's hours, and food carts outside that are serving hot dogs made from "multiple sources." There's the Hoover Building, which is not named after vacuum cleaners,(sorry Nagels) but after a rather controversial FBI director who didn't look as good as I do in a dress. You could bring the kids on a long walk to visit the Washington Monument, or see the traditional tourist traps of the Jefferson and Lincoln Memorials. These are great places to go to, but if you want to see the other side of Washington, here's what you need to put on your itinerary.
The Washington Marriott, Formerly the Vista International Hotel
This is where Marvelous Mayor Marion Barry, aka Mayor for Life, was caught smoking crack in 1990 during a FBI sting. You can catch the video of this on Youtube, as it is hilarious. The woman who "set him up", received his full anger, as he yelled "That b*tch! That b*tch set me up!" This display of eloquence from the former mayor, has inspired me to start a petition, asking him to run again. Currently, he's on the DC Council, but he needs to be put back into a real position of power, since he also can't pay his taxes every year.
The location of this hotel is 1221 22nd St NW, and it is fairly close to all of the downtown areas you'll visit anyway. You can show your kids that you can get caught smoking crack, trying to cheat on your wife with another woman, go to jail, and then get re-elected Mayor. America's such a great country, and you have to love an underdog! The lobby here is actually beautiful, and I could see why the FBI picked this as a location for the sting. From what I've heard, its possible Elliot Spitzer also visited this location for some of his out of town rendevous with escorts.
Speaking of Hookers, Check Them Out!
The 14th Street area used to be known as "Prostitute Alley" in D.C. Due to a lot of police operations against this, the ladies of the night have set up shot in the 11th and L St areas. If you go down to this area around 11 pm-3 a.m., you will see a diverse selection of scantily dressed women looking for a "date." I make no bones about it, that I wouldn't have fun with one of them, even if I was single. Yet, this is a fine way to get a free stripping, as a lot of them will flash you when you drive by. It certainly saves spending money at the gentleman's clubs, and its much more entertaining!
Gentlemen Clubs? They are Here!
There are a lot of gentleman's clubs in D.C., but there are only two that I'm familiar with. Good Guys is on Wisconsin Avenue, up the hill a bit from Georgetown. This is the place I'd rather go to now, because its laid back, with no jacket/tie requirements. They have a fair amount of ladies, and although I'd like a bit more diversity than long legged blondes, this is a fine place to go. Parking can be difficult, as the only real options are to find a spot on the street. You might have to walk far, so be ready for a workout.
I used to love Archibald's. It was the spot to go, but now I generally go to West Virginia for this type of entertainment. They have now instituted a seriously anal retentive policy, of making you wear a jacket in there. I don't know if you can come in completely naked other than that now, but I'm guessing at least pants are required. Their prices are outrageous, and unlike WV, you gotta give a girl $5 each time you go up to the pole. To their credit, they have a fine selection of beautiful women from all kinds of ethnic backgrounds, which is a plus. Archibalds is metro accessible, and parking on K St at nice is usually not too bad.
Feeling Lucky Punk? Want to Hang in the Red Zone?
If you want to live life on the edge, visit the "Red Zone" of Benning and Minnesota Avenues NE. I used to work in DC, and learned that a "red zone" is a high crime area, where you might just get shot. I ran several red lights on purpose in this area, because I really wanted to live, and didn't want to get hit by a mentally disturbed man wielding a baseball bat. You can enjoy a game of Craps here, but be sure not to play with Monopoly money, or you might get your legs broken. There's also "Razzle Dazzle" and other gambling games that are enjoyed on the street, and don't bother bringing expensive wine, but rather a 40 oz Hurricane. That's just so gourmet, and it fits well in a brown bag!
Scared of the Exorcist?
Yes, the famous movie that scared the bejesus out of me when I was six years old. Seriously, for weeks I thought my head was going to spin, that the bed was going to bounce, and that I'd throw up pea soup. Go by the Exxon Station right across from the Key Bridge, and see the stairs that are at M St and Prospect St. in Georgetown. These are the stairs that the Priest was thrown onto, and where he had a rather strong headache. These stairs are a popular attraction on Halloween, where you can join thousands of freaks out on the streets of D.C. If you want a good workout, these stairs will completely make you forget how bad the ones were at the football stadium, that you had to run up and down to make the junior varsity team. This is a really happening area.
I Smell Something Fishy!
The Potomac River is known for its three eyed catfish that glow in the dark. There have been male largemouth bass found laying eggs! One place to go fo seafood, and for a good laugh, is the Maine Ave Fish Market. Yes, its on Maine Avenue in SW D.C., and there's plenty of parking.(It can be nuts on the weekends, so stick to the weekdays if possible) Here you can go down to where fish sellers have stands, and negotiate prices, and even try some free samples. They have the best Clam Chowder here this side of Boston, and the hot shrimp are hard to beat. There are some salty characters here, but this is a family friendly place, and they have a great selection. Just don't buy the octopus!
These are unique places that are off the beaten path. Yet they offer a different side of the Nation's Capital, and are much more exciting than the traditional monuments and tours. Go on those so you can say you've seen them, but give a couple of these attractions a try. Get a picture of your family playing a game of Craps, shooting dice, or using faux crack pipes in front of the Marion Barry Landmark. Your relatives will be jealous that you got to see hookers flashing you while driving the "Family Truckster", and even Aunt Edna would enjoy doing her Exorcist reenacment at the stairs.
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Best Suited For: Families
Best Time to Travel Here: Anytime