Mommy, the big scary bald man pushed me!
Written: Jun 03 '00 (Updated Aug 22 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: I'm a vegetarian.
Cons: Shamu isn't.
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| cowboydj's Full Review: Sea World California |
There is just something about training a fish to perform that is so.....
...California. In the great Disney tradition of squirrelly mice and bird-brained dogs, Sea World had cast the otherwise marginal marines into Ziegfeld's Fish Follies, complete with surly seals, perky porpoise, winsome whales, and a splashy 21-fin-salute-finale with fireworks and military marching band--sort of a Flipper-meets-Hogan's-Heroes-Busby-Berkeley-musical-marathon-kinda-thing--all for about 20 clams, Dramamine not included.
Alas, this fish-schtick doesn't come with tartar sauce, and we were on our own for lunch.
Many moons had passed since last I experienced Cirque du Shamu, my memories of it marred by the preceding cross-country-camper-trek-of-the-damned (see my review of Los Angeles Magazine) and an unfortunate encounter with that bastion of Southern California cuisine, the burrito.
As though third-degree sunburns weren't enough of a clue, my mother and I proved ourselves hopelessly Caucasian when, removing the "paper" from our south-of-the-border-treat, we simultaneously dumped the steaming, greasy innerds of the exotic edible into our laps.
"Well, that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen!" my mother startled loudly, looking around for sympathy and stares, "How in the world are you supposed to eat this mess?!"
"Hey, mom, look," my brother managed to choke out between corn-dogged guffaws, "those people are eating the paper!"
My mother and I exchanged concerned glances. First, it was long-haired roller-skating guys in pink satin hot-pants...and now this--California was turning out to be a strange land indeed. We thoughtfully scraped the slimy goo back onto the paper and rolled it into to something like its original shape.
"Well, it can't kill us, I suppose," my mother sighed, biting into the unmanageable blob with admirable bravado. Two or three bites later, I followed suit. Live we did, but it would be some time before the word "burrito" no longer produced an autonomic panic response at Casa Morgan.
Ergo, "Sea World."
So it was with no small amount of resign that I agreed to take my then 17-year-old sister there for her birthday last year. "Are you sure you don't want to go to Vegas instead?" I whined. "I'll get you a fake ID...Frisco? Paris??" She was not to be dissuaded, and I found myself back at the gates of hell once again.
Either my eyes were completely swollen shut from sunburn, or this place had changed--dramatically. It was fun, really fun! For family entertainment it's hard to beat; no your-not-tall-enough-to-ride-this-ride signs, no you're-to-old-to-be-in-here petting zoos. Our whole family spent every moment together touching stuff you're not supposed to touch (at regular aquariums) in the tide-pools, making rude noises, and being generally silly, all the while getting a pretty decent lesson on ocean ecology and the beautiful creatures that inhabit the great blue.
The shows were totally silly, of course, and I still think there is something kinda creepy about the whole dog-and-dolphin routine--but it is truly amazing to see first hand what these intelligent, remarkable animals can do. The aquarium exhibits, especially "Shark Encounter," were exceptional in both design and content, at one point allowing the visitor to walk through a plexi-glass tunnel underneath a huge tank of sharks. I was so fascinated that I inadvertently squeezed by a 5-year-old tot to get to the viewing platform, and was subsequently scolded by the mom, to my profound embarrassment.
Burritos, anyone?
The Manatee Rescue is fabulous. (Aside: My mother, Miss Malaprop, later unwittingly referred to this attraction as the "Wannabe Rescue" to our great and lasting amusement. This prompted my brother to conjure up characterizations of crippled fish, including a toothless shark, whom, after attempting to eat a tank-mate is then berated by the unharmed fish with "Thanks for the massage." I nearly did not recover.) These enormous, graceful creatures are being savaged by boat propellers in the Florida Keys and are brought to Sea World to recover. Most people never get to see them. The Beluga Whales are equally splendiferous; breathtakingly beautiful and full of curiosity for humans.
Avoid the dumb movie-thing, lose the hokey "virtual-reality" ride, bring sunscreen and a hat, and you're in business. Plan to spend the whole day, and don't miss the bird show--lots of people skip it, and that's a mistake. Watching grown men squeal and run in panic when a hawk with a 6-foot wingspan swoops down at them is worth the price of admission. Speaking of admission, that 20 clams is up to $40 for adults, $30 for kids, not including food and the water you will definitely want to drink lots of. This may sound a little spendy, but is certainly worth the whole day's entertainment. Knowing that the majority of the money goes to oceanographic research and conservation makes it a bargain.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
cowboydj
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Member: T Morgan
Location: Nashville, TN
Reviews written: 22
Trusted by: 271 members
About Me:
I laughed, I cried, I ate a cannoli.
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