OBER GATLINBURG or Pardon Me, But Your Brake Lights Are Out
Written: Jan 28 '00 (Updated Jan 28 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Home to Smokey Mountain National Park, the most beautiful mountains I have ever experienced
Cons: Traffic, traffic, and traffic...did I mention the traffic?
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| emlin's Full Review: Ober Gatlinburg |
If you have never been to Ober Gatlinburg, let me warn you if you travel by day: when you're 25 miles away from your rented chalet and "almost there", don't start getting excited. You'll see the exit sign WOW! ONLY 20 MORE MILES! and taking that exit will increase your fervor to get there. Soon after the turn, you'll spy a sign Smokey Mountain Knife Works and, ladies, any male members in your party will suddenly perk up and suggest a "quick stop to stretch". Be prepared for this. The Smokey Mountain Knife Works, home to probably every knife ever made & every species of animal ever taxidermied, seduces even the most non-violent of men.
After this "stretch" (which will turn into a quite lengthy stretch of time -the blade store claims to be the World's Largest) you'll be back on the road with the first souvenir purchases from your soon-to-be-relaxing vacation in the most beautiful mountains on Earth. Now, you will think,only 20+ miles and we're there! HAHAHAHAHA!
I laugh because you'll do a normal calculation of hometown mileage; 20+ miles = 20+ minutes, give or take. Well, don't underestimate that "take". The trek through Pigeon Forge, TN to Ober Gatlinburg is what gave "road rage" its name. Fraught with bumper-to-bumper traffic the entire way, it takes two hours on a good day. Yes. I kid you not. Two hours to travel about 20 miles. I haven't figured out what medication the locals take that seemingly mellows them to the traffic madness but when I find out, I'll edit this opinion to include the name. It could be that the locals live at the thousands of Mall Outlet Stores, Christmas Villages, and Theme Park Heavens that line the strip, all having cramped quarters in the basement. Personally, I am convinced they are all actually hyper-programmed cyborgs that barely pass for human.
Forewarned is forearmed: what you'll experience on your two hour journey up to Ober Gatlinburg is crass commercialism at its finest. It's like "The American Dream Goes Psycho". If you love the juxtaposition of neon art and hand-lettered, spray-painted signs, you'll be video taping with glee. Always in view, though, are those gorgeous mountain peaks of the Smokey Mountain National Park, home to the historic Appalachian Trail, and up there through the sea of vehicles are your "quaint & quiet mountain lodgings".
Should you decide to visit Ober Gatlinburg for skiing or sightseeing, I suggest this: grab a late flight into Knoxville and arrive about midnight. Pick up your rental car and, just a little ways up the interstate, stop for some nourishment at the first Cracker Barrel sign you notice. The Cracker Barrel fare is a wonderful introduction to Southern cuisine -I suggest the grilled catfish- and the restaurant proper is located past a gift shop that will give you a taste of the retail mania you will soon experience. Linger at the restaurant until around 2:00 AM and then drive on in towards Gatlinburg. Not only will you shave a full hour from the drive, you can shop late at the 24-hour grocers. I suggest over-stocking your portable pantry so that you will not have to come down the mountain again until you're headed back to the airport.
Ober Gatlinburg and the surrounding mountains will delight your senses. The traffic jam of travel will not.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
emlin
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 - Top 1000 |
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Member: emily moorehead
Location: Tennessee
Reviews written: 121
Trusted by: 201 members
About Me:
Editor, copywriter, and internet researcher.
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