For proof of this, I offer the following paraphrase of comments overheard during my years as the poster child for Lane Bryant:

"After all, I mean, like fat people are fat because they're lazy and stupid. If they weren't lazy, they'd be getting more exercise, right? And if they were getting more exercise, they could eat whatever they wanted and not get fat, see where I'm going with this?"

It's, like, totally common sense. The problem with fat people is they just don't get this, or, like, they totally just don't want to get it. Check it out: like, body builders and athletes, they totally eat like pigs--but they're not fat. Why? Cause they're getting off their butts and working that food off!

Like, god, you'd have to be an idiot not to make the connection. Too much food and not enough exercise = stretch-pants. So be a pig, OR be a lazy-as*...pick ONE already! You can't have--'scuse the pun--you can't have your cake AND, like, eat it all!. DUH! That's what makes you fat!

And, like, how many cool fat people can you name? Huh?? None! Ya know what I'm saying, huh? Gawd, I mean, like you should care more about yourself. Like, what will people think if you're all fat and gross and stuff?"

Thank you, Barbie Boob-Job. I am not worthy!

****

At 6 feet, 265 pounds, I was a magnet for this brand of compassionate conservatism, delivered by my witless benefactors with all the moral superiority of a priest giving last rites to a convicted serial killer--just before they flip the switch. After all, they only want to help us.

And those are the charitable ones. Those not so inclined can be much more colorful in their efforts to free the world of fatsos:

"Imagine that one naked...eeshk."

"Do you really think you should be eating that?"

"He must smell."

"Do you really think you should be eating again??"

"She has no business wearing that with those thighs!"

"Do you really think you should be eating???

Due to scads of contributing factors that only a social anthropologist could find interesting, open discrimination and outright mistreatment of fat folks is not only acceptable practice in American culture, the vast majority of people--both thin and fat alike--believe such abuse is completely justified.

On the surface, it seems reasonable to make such assumptions. Overeating often does cause weight gain and a lack of exercise can compound the effects of dietary excesses. Moreover, gluttony and slothery, according to the Bible, are sins against God; and that's never good. But most importantly, fat people are just gross, and everyone thinks so, even fat people. There's just no excuse for being fat. Fat people are just stupid and lazy; otherwise we'd be thin.

Using the same logic, we Americans have bought and sold slaves, tortured the mentally ill, exterminated entire populations of Native Americans, and publically executed witches--without so much as a twinge of guilt. After all, if they weren't stupid, lazy, sinful, and/or gross, we wouldn't have to treat them this way.

We just want to help them.

You may be wondering at this point what all this nonsense has to do with a review of the Atkins Diet.

Well...so am I. The problem is, after trying every diet from Cabbage Soup to Nuts, Nuts, Nuts, I have finally found one that works--really works.

"Why is that a problem?" you ask. "Isn't that what you wanted, to lose weight and be pretty?"

Well, yeah, sure that what I wanted. Now I just have to figure out why I wanted that in the first place.

I resorted to Atkins after exhausting virtually every other possibilty, including spending about six grand on lipo "sculpture" and almost as much on lining the pockets of Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisine, and Jenny Craig.

And speaking of Jenny, she has no buisiness wearing that with those thighs on the cover of her latest diet book! Eeshk!

Sorry...was that out loud? Anyway, Atkins is the easiest, most effective diet I've ever tried, hands down. I will make no attempt to dissuade the naysayers--read the book. The vast majority of people who have problems with Dr. Atkins diet either don't follow his instructions to the letter or have extenuating health problems that they should have discovered in a doctor visit prior to starting the diet, just as he advises all dieters do.

That certainly isn't Atkins fault and much of the criticism lodged against him and his research comes from people who actually are stupid and lazy and deserve to be fat. There, I've said it.

After being a fat vegetarian for five years, one line early on in Atkins' latest book, New Diet Revolution, grabbed my attention:

"If you've spent your life eating a high carbohydrate, low-fat diet, then you are not going to lose weight on a high carbohydrate, low-fat diet."

Wake up and smell the ham hocks, people! This statement hit me like a pound cake flung from heaven. There's ample documentation to support Atkins supposedly radical approach in the form of more than 30 years of dieting successes. Unlike virtually any other dietary maintainance plan I've ever seen, staying on Atkins program, and keeping the weight off, indefinitely is imminently doable.

Add to this the myriad health benefits associated with his approach to nutrition and you have a diet that is nothing short of miraculous in effect. I was able to lose nearly 13 pounds in the first two weeks while eating obscene quantities of foods verboten on low-fat diets. In fact, I've eaten foods on Atkins I thought I'd NEVER be able to eat again--bacon, cheese, whole dairy, sausages--and slathered them with shocking amounts of butter and oils!

My humble advice? READ THE BOOK, the whole darn thing, before making the decision to proceed. SEE YOUR DOCTOR, but be prepared for your physician's skepticism. READ THE BOOK, and you'll know why Doc is likely to have reservations.

TAKE THE VITAMINS. DRINK THE WATER. EAT ONLY THOSE FOODS ALLOWED and NOTHING ELSE.

READ THE BOOK. If you become discouraged, disoriented, tired, or whiny, eat a pork chop and RE-READ THE BOOK.

The one drawback to Atkins is that is can be a little confusing to understand at first. The program is a radical departure from accepted dieting protocols and even seems counter-intuitive. It is, however, hard to argue with success. My secret?

I READ THE BOOK. I TOOK THE VITAMINS. I DRANK THE WATER. I ATE ONLY THE FOODS ON THE DIET (well, I cheated once...Oh Fine! I cheated TWICE, OK??)

I LOST 12+ POUNDS. I WENT SHOPPING FOR TIGHT PANTS...

...ON PURPOSE.


Recommended: Yes

Food Variety Restrictions A somewhat varied menu
Restrictiveness of Portions Gorge all you like