Scorpion King

Pros: The People's Eyebrow; it's not actually four hours long.
Cons: Feels four hours long; boring; not the story promised, minimal smack laid down.

Poor Rock. I really wanted him to do well in his first feature movie. The huge, handsome, eyebrow-hoisting, elbow throwing star of the World Wrestling Federation seems like a natural for action films. At a tanned and sculpted 6' 5" and 275 pounds,...

Pros: Action film in every sense of the word
Cons: Never did see that Sorceress naked.

If you need to see an action movie, and you can only choose one this month, GET TO THE SCORPION KING.

Finally, The Rock has returned to the big screen! After a bit part in The Mummy Returns, The Rock returns as The Scorpion King, Mathias,...

Pros: The Rock & Kelly Hu.
Cons: None.

The Scorpion King
Universal Pictures
2002
Rated PG-13

All begins in Egypt, during a time of chaos and upheaval. There is no real ruler of the lands, but the closest is Memnon. Through fear, and murder the warlord is...

Pros: A few exciting action scenes and a joyously brisk pace.
Cons: Unoriginal, silly, and basically quite stupid.

There's a reason you never ask "How is it?" when someone's eating a Snickers bar. We all know what candy tastes like, we all feel guilty for enjoying it so much, and there's really no reason for further introspection. The Scorpion King is a lot...

Pros: Mindless entertainment.
Cons: What happens after the mind comes back on.

The Rock aka Dwayne Johnson (I see why he changed his name – Introducing Dwwwwayne!) brings his form of toughness, sweetness, and eye brow-ness to the screen as Mathayus a leader who for a sum tries to bring peace and prosperity to his...

Pros: Entertaining; outtakes, yay!
Cons: Funny where it shouldn't have been

If you’ve seen it, think of Conan The Barbarian for a minute. Huge, muscled, sword-wielding dude striving to defeat evil during the days of Samarians. That movie wasn’t meant to be funny. Now let’s take The Scorpion King. Huge, muscled, ...

Pros: Kelly Hu is cute.
Cons: Screenplay, acting, directing, soundtrack. Did I leave out anything?

To be honest, I don’t know what the primary reason for this movie to be so exceptionally bad. Maybe it’s the fact that the star of the movie is a wrestler. I can still remember all those horrible Hulk Hogan movies, which, apparently, the producer did...

Pros: Action, Kelly Hu, Steven Brand, Characters, Storyline
Cons: Duncan, Russell, Backdrop, The Rock

The director Chuck Russell’s “the Scorpion King,” the movie reigns next to its predecessors, “the Mummy,” and “the Mummy Returns.” The movie involves the plots of variety of awful landscape and dull armies of characters. It is ...

Pros: Riotous adventure story with a great production value. Hugely fun.
Cons: No pretense at historical accuracy.

The Scorpion King (2002) Directed by Chuck Russell, Written by Stephen Sommers. This movie is a prequel of a sequel of a movie that was a re-make of another movie that was made 70 years ago. With all that going for it, how could it possibly ...

Pros: The Undercover Brother trailer ROCKED! http://www.undercover-brother.com
Cons: This is an "Ion" flick, because there's no "Act" in it.

Retard America has this absurd fascination with The Rock. I haven't figured out why. I mean, sure, he's got big muscles and all, but so does Professional Gold Medal Winning Wrestler Rulon Gardner, and the only time he had his name in the news was when...

Pros: WWF fans will get a buzz from seeing one of their own make it.
Cons: Utterly cretinous, lazy, downright insulting filmmaking

Spin-offs on any level are risky ventures, be they cinema or television - for every Leon (originally seen in Luc Besson’s Nikita), there’s an Ewok Adventure (characters whom appeared in some low-grade space saga, apparently); and for...

Pros: Humorous, many action sequences
Cons: Very poor special effects, poor character development

The front of my DVD says “The Rock Rules!”. Well, no, I can’t quite vouch for that. He isn’t bad, but he certainly isn’t all that great. This is another one of those “average” films that gets three stars. In this case, the ...

Pros: You can go out for popcorn and not really miss anything.
Cons: We've seen it all before.

My father had the most annoying habit when he was watching a movie. He would swear that he saw the movie before. Even if it were a new release, he'd say he saw it and would tell you what happened next. That wasn't the annoying part. The annoying part...

Pros: Great action and special effects
Cons: Simple plot, awful humor, not enough Rock dialogue

Ok, so The Scorpion King wasn’t all I thought it would be. I don’t know why, but I was expecting a bit more of a complicated story. Honestly, the Rock has been involved in tons of wrestling angles that were more complicated than the plot of this movie....

Pros: good for a few laughs...
Cons: ...at all the wrong moments

I won't hold it back - I went to see The Scorpion King mainly for The Rock's performance. Yes, I needed a good laugh, and none of the 'legit' comedies interested me. So I saw it, and walked away a little disappointed for reasons that my peers might see...