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Calling all roomates!

Sep 26, 2000 Write an essay on this topic.

To Roomie or not to Roomie...that is THE question...

Do you need a roommate or several roommates to afford the abdominously inflated costs of living? Wish for an easy,painless way to determine a potential roommates sloppiness or bill paying idiosyncrasies? Then print out this handy little application and start the frictionless roommate lifestyle!

APPLICATION FOR POTENTIAL ROOMMATE

1) Have you ever been convicted of a felony?If so,describe the nature of the offense and the amount of jail time and or compensation paid:_________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________.

2) Do you have any pets? If yes,please circle one:
a)Dog
b)Cat
c)Fish
d)Exotic animal(i.e.: Iguana,Ferret,Monkey,Snake)

3) If yes to the preceding question,please describe the frequency of vomiting,biting,furniture damage or urinating in full detail:_________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________.

4) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/ex spouse prone to stalking? If yes,please describe the following:(Feel free to use the back of this form.)
a)Frequency and lengths of visits
b)Sanitary habits
c)Auditory levels of fighting
d)Auditory levels of sexual encounters
e)Drug and or alcohol usage
f)Auditory levels of laughing

5) Do you lower the toilet seat after usage?(Please circle one:)
a)Yes
b)No
c)I urinate in the sink

6) What is the average amount of time dirty dishes should sit in the sink or coffee table?(Please circle one:)
a)15 minutes after completion of meal
b)Half an hour after completion
c)3 days after completion
d)Until someone other than myself picks it up

7) Please circle the type of music you enjoy:
a)Rap
b)Rock
c)Industrial
d)Alternative
e)Showtunes
f)Country
g)Backstreet Boys
(Note: circling Backstreet Boys will not necessarily void this application.)

8) Please describe the types of drugs and or alcohol you currently use,and in what amounts:_________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________.

9) Do you have any children? If so please describe age and length of the average visit:________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________.

10) Please describe the nature of your occupation and length of employment:
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________.

11) When should the bills be paid?(Please circle one:)
a)Before they are due
b)Mailed on due date
c)After the first warning of interruption of service
d)When none of the light switches or phone works

Please sign this form here:____________________________________________.

(Note: Failure to be truthful and accurate will void this application.Further,any subsequent or painfully annoying bad habits will result in sudden and unannounced ejection from the premises.)

And there you have it! Quick,painless and informative,you are now armed for roommate bliss. Please keep an eye on this space for the boyfriend/girlfriend application!

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