Friday Afternoon Humor- Traveling Nightmares
May 12 '00
Well, I will attempt to make your Friday afternoon go a little faster and provide a few humorous thoughts about nightmare travels/roadtrips. I have not experienced all of these nightmares, but if I have not experienced them, I can assure you I know someone who has.
* Always check the weather before traveling. There is nothing like arriving in Florida in July and finding out for the first time that the low temperature will be 83 degrees and the humidity will be higher than that. However, if you are nudist Florida in July is not a bad idea. Just be sure you remember the suntan lotion. LESSON LEARNED: The weather can destroy a vacation.
* Forget Taco Bell while on the road. This one actually did happen and it will never be forgotten. We were on a 12 hour trip and pulled off the road for food. Most of us chose something that would not aggravate the kidneys/bladder. Hmm, one person decided that Taco Bell was just too irresistable. Guess who was begging us to pull off the road every hour on the hour? And guess who was really not enjoying life while suffering in 97 degrees and a two hour traffic jam? Guess who made a "funny looking" dash for the woods while stuck in this traffic? And, yep, guess who got a number of really funny looks from complete strangers when he returned from the bushes? LESSON LEARNED: Never eat something that will aggravate your bathroom needs while traveling.
* Another thing to avoid is sex with strangers. Yes, this also happened in my presence. A friend decided he had to have the hot young blond in the tiny thong bikini. Really, who could blame him- she looked great and thought the same of him. Well, they ended up sharing quite a few beers and soon ended up back at her place. The story we got was this: They got back to her place- which was about a 1/2 an hour away- and went at it a couple of times. He showered and then fell asleep (surprise, surprise). When he woke up the maid was letting herself in and he was laying naked on the bed as groggy as could be. The blond beauty was know where to be found and neither were his clothes. Even worse, his wallet was empty. He tried to call us, but we were gone. So, he got a ride from a cabbie and eventually convinced the desk clerk to let him in. LESSON LEARNED: Strangers are not always the best bedfellows when in an unfamiliar town.
* Another interesting happening that I was unfortunate enough to witness involved a friend and his lack of familiar surroundings. He was drinking and drinking entirely too much. I came in and watched him stumble around for a few seconds before he opened his boxers and also opened the third drawer of the dresser. Ah, before I could stop him he urinated all over his clothing. Apparently, he thought he was in the bathroom and had just lifted the toilet seat. He was wrong. LESSON LEARNED: Never drink way too much in unfamiliar surroundings.
* Prison is usually not a good thing, but especially not when you are traveling. A friend spent his entire vacation in a nice holding cell in South Carolina when he decided that he should not be pulled over for going 100 MPH in a 65 zone. From what I understand the holding cell did not allow him access to the beach or to the golf courses he had paid to play. He found himself in this position when he briefly decided he could make the state line before the cop could pull him over. He changed his mind, but the cop did not. LESSON LEARNED: Cops are never wrong and they have faster cars than people do.
* A map is not a bad idea. On a trip to the casinos 40 miles from Memphis, we decided that we not need a map. The road looked like it ran straight to the casino area. However, the traffic was horrible so we decided to "make" a shortcut. LOL! Our shortcut took more than two hours and put us in areas where cows roamed freely and lines disappeared from the road. Oh yeah, the cell phone was not in reach of a tower and gas was getting low. LESSON LEARNED: Always have a map even when you think you know where you are going.
* Finally, something to always think about when planning a vacation. You should always ask about what is "happening" when you are planning to visit. Myrtle Beach has a Harley owners gathering annually. I have nothing against Harley owners, but a relaxing and romantic vacation is more difficult to achieve when awakened each morning at 700am by the sound of hundreds of Harley's. Same goes for beach areas during spring break periods and during senior week times. LESSON LEARNED: Always find out what events will be occurring when your scheduled to be vacationing.
Well, I am sure that was not as funny as you hoped. I know it was not as humorous as I hoped. However, I do hope it helped you crack a smile and made your afternoon go a little faster.
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