Unsafe at any Height!

Jul 22, 2000 (Updated Aug 7, 2000)

What really ticks me off is when I hear someone say, "Your airplane trip is safer than the trip ta the airport." This just ain't true - and I will prove ta you - that on a per-trip basis, you are more likely ta die in a plane than a car.

When I was a young buck, I flew all the time and never thought a thing bout it. That's before I started readin' the papers and watchin Tom Brokeall - then I realized that aeroplanes do crash. Private planes crash everyday and commercial and commuter flights crash bout every week.

My last flight was bout 20 years ago (I won't mention the airline - but it starts with the letters U.S.) Anyway, once we got way up there the wings started ta shake violently up and down. The Captain got on the inter type com and said, "All passengers please buckle up. Stewardesses get everyone out of the bathrooms. All flight crew find a seat and buckle up."

Well, I was a sittin' in the back of the plane enjoyin' a smoke and two stewardesses sat right in front a me and I heard one of them say, "Joan, I've never seen it this bad - I'm scared!"

Now iffin a professional flyer type is scared, what is a passenger ta think? I then made a pact with The Almighty - get me out of this alive Lord and I'll never tempt fate by flyin' again. And I think the Lord answered me by sayin', "Okay, BadBob, I'll get you home in one piece - but if ya ever fly again, you will die in a horrible crash!"

Well, don't ask me how - but the pilot brought that Bowling 737 inta Pittsburgh in one piece, and I kissed the ground. Ta this day I ain't flowed in an areoplane!

After that experience, I started ta do my homework on airline safety. Now, I will prove drivin' is safer than flying. Let's look at the numbers. Every year, 600 million trips are taken by Mericans on domestic type flights (about 2 flights per Merican) and only bout 300 a year die in crashes. Sounds like pretty good odds - and they are. But, Mericans also take bout 2 trips a day on the highway (this includes trips ta the store, etc.). That's 730 road trips a year per Merican. Multiply that by 275 million Mericans and ya got over 200 billion road type trips a year - with only bout 35,000 road deaths a year.

DO THE MATH! My calculator broke tryin' ta do it - but I figure your three times more likely ta die on a plane trip than goin' ta K-mart in yur car!

But ya don't need no calculator ta know that flying is more dangerous than drivin. Just look at all the celebrities that died in accidents and you'll find that more died in planes than cars - Knute Rock-kneed, Roberto Clemente, Carole Lombard, Will Rodgers, the LaBamba guy, Jim Crowchee, Johnny Denver, Patsy Cline, The Marshall University Football Team, Senator John Tower, The US Olympic Skating team, Senator John Heinz, Pain Stewart, Glenn Miller, JFK JR, and the list goes on and on. These people flew more than most and therefore increased their risk.

My advice is; flying is pretty safe - but not as safe as driving. And iffin ya see an old geezer that looks like me in a line ta get on your flight - TAKE ANOTHER PLANE!

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Member: Robert Grouch
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