SUBMIT TO BONDAGEWOUND!
What is there to say about Bondagewound that hasn't been said before? As we all know, he is the greatest and most credible entity that has ever existed throughout the whole time period during which things either did or did not exist, but did you know that he is indeed the handsomest entity around? It's true! He ranked as #1 in "Seventh Circle's Sexiest Entity Alive" article (#2 Samael, #3Abdul the cat).
Bondagewound is always very busy. He spends most of his time working on a solo music career (under the stage name Blood-Spewing Mucus Brain), and working with countless groups. Among the most popular of these groups are the power/death metal mavens Smut Crëm (Bondagewound plays guitar, lead guitar, vocals), hardcore organoids Nipple Pus/Road-kill Caught On Tape (guitar), the Avant-Post Noise duo Okapi (mandolin, recorder, vocals, samples, percussion), and the seventeen piece tech/grind outfit Satanic Warship (B-wound plays lead guitar, rhythm guitar, lead vocals, background vocals, bass, drums). But perhaps Bondagewound's greatest accomplishment was helping to form the seminal thrash/grind band Fvck Face (guitar and vocals under the stage name Exit Wound). Fvck Face changed the face of popular and underground music with their short, catchy songs, and their addictive vocals parts (courtesy of vocalist Hollowpoint). In addition to these previously mentioned groups, Bondagewound has been spotted jamming with ageing rockers "Nobody Named Al," and members of the rock group "Ground Monkeys." Bondagewound has also been a part of a general, jazz "collective." These musicians rotate the lineups of their groups, performing, recording, and then dissolving. Bondagewound has also released solo guitar work.
All in all, Bondagewound's musical accomplishments are, at the very least, mindblowing. But they would be nothing without his other, numerous feats. Bondagewound has been a spiritual leader for 19 years. All around the world, scores of people all turn to Bondagewound for the answers to their questions, and the solutions to their problems. Bondagewound is also a published author and has contributed several works to literary publications. As Robertson Davies put it shortly before his death, "Shakeswho? Just give me a Bondagewound!"
So Bondagewound has reached the pinnicle of artistic achievement. He is a testament to existence, showing the heights that an entity can reach if he tries.
New for 2003!
Well these online reviews have ceased to entertain me for now, but they undoubtedly will in the future. Watch out for more of my reviews in the months ahed but for now, here are some of Bondagewound's essential albums, and my favorite metal albums. You must own the following records:
KMFDM: Nihil
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: Tender Prey, Let Love In
Tom Waites: Rain Dogs
Mr. Bungle: California, Disco Volante, Self-Titled
Lou Reed: Metal Machine Music
Frank Zappa/Mothers Of Invention: Over-nite Sensation, Apostrophe('), Joe's Garage, We're Only In It For The Money, Live at the Roxy and Elsewhere,
The Stooges: Raw Power
Fantomas: The Director's Cut
Funkadelic: Maggot Brain
Ground Monkeys: Apes Are We
Lightning Bolt: Ride The Sky
Canine: Treacherous Turn One
Autopsy Summer Camp:
The Dillinger Escape Plan: Calculating Infinity
Tool: Lateralus
Metallica: ...And Justice For All, Ride The Lightning
Tenacious D: Self-Titled
Dead Kennedys: Bedtime For Democracy
I've become bored with this as well. While I realized the pointlessness of this exercise earlier, it has hit me in full force. You people don't deserve this list anyway. But I will tell you the greatest metal albums of all time before I disappear forever. (orderless)
Metallica: Master Of Puppets
Slayer: Reign In Blood
Pantera: Vulgar Display Of Power
Opeth: Blackwater Park
Tool: Ænema
Fear Factory: Demanufacture
Meshuggah: Destroy Erase Improve
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