Nah, I'm not back. It's just sometimes I get bored with the internet and this is as good a place as any to relieve that boredom. So, like, comment on my latest batch of pretensions, and I'll give your trust list a "very helpful". Or I might confer advisor status upon your Brady Bunch review.

Mad props to my Old Skool Epinions Krew- ericexile, kulleimomi, megugrrl, winick, and whoever else might still be hanging around here. Also, I DEMAND that you check out mynameiskenny, an old homie from the YFBS block. Haaail, I remember back when we were just two young kids hangin 'out on the front porch, playing the dozens and arguing about whether Billy Joel was more funky than Radiohead. Now I be rollin' in tha bling bling and he, uhm, gets to hang out with British chicks. He wins.
For my reviews, go to www.culturedose.com
For me on AOLIM, check up "DivineComedian42"

About me:
Though he has been referred to as everything from "a wierd (sic) person" to "a young punk spouting" to "a masturbating loser who can't get any", Daniel Reifferscheid prefers to think of himself as a Soul Punk.

Born during the cold, cold winter of 1985 in Germany, he quickly absorbed this country's best qualities (guilt and self-loathing, basically). His family moved to Portugal in 1990, which led directly to him being a bit of a misfit amongst his schoolmates, pale blonde blue eyed boy that he is. Living in Portugal has influenced him immensely, once again absorbing the country's best qualities (self-pity and a blissful certainty that everything good lies in the past), as well as getting him acquainted with the few and proud musical treasures of this nation.

At age seven, Daniel saw Yellow Submarine and his life hasn't been the same since. The Beatles' irresistible mix of psychedelic silliness and plain old romanticism struck a chord with this young fresh fellow, and he afterwards proceeded to horde all Beatles records that he could get his grubby hands on. When Rock & Roll marks you, it marks you for life- and thus Daniel has spent the best part of his life thereafter seeking out any and all music that might be interesting. His favorite performers include artists such as Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, The Clash, The Kinks, The Smiths, The Dead Kennedys, The Divine Comedy, Public Enemy, Muddy Waters, Otis Redding, Curtis Mayfield, Patti Smith, The Ramones, R.E.M., Blur, David Bowie, Elvis Costello, Chuck Berry and Gram Parsons. Honestly, that list makes him look twice as boring as he really is.

He also considers himself to be somewhat well read, as any writer should be- some of his favorite books would include Revolutionary Suicide by Huey P Newton, The Longest Journey by E.M. Forster, The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald and For Whom The Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway. However, Daniel is a proud geek and thus his favorite works of literature also include the likes of High Fidelity, The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy and The Hobbit. Furthermore, he is a big fan of comics- his early childhood was spent reading tons and tons of Disney comics and he once planned on becoming a comic writer before deciding that music critic would be a better job for him. Nowadays, he loves the usual suspects- Frank Miller, Alan Moore, Warren Ellis and Neil Gaiman, as well as series like Love & Rockets and Bone.

Dan's appreciation of cinema is considerably hindered by his rather unhealthy obsession with teen idol Katie Holmes. In recent years, he has learned to dig stuff like The Misfits and Fahrenheit 451, but for his money the best movie ever committed to film is still Gremlins 2:The New Batch.

These days, he can be found either in his room rocking off to the best in rare Baggy and Southern Soul or in school explaining to his classmates why Hank Williams is much superior to Linkin Park and outwitting his teachers, one of whom actually believes that Malcom X founded the Black Panthers. Of course, he might also be at his laptop, writing his latest piece of music reviewing genius that will be sure to finally establish him as the next Dave Marsh/Lester Bangs/Carrot Top. If not, at least it'll give him a chance to slaughter holy cows like Kraftwerk, ABBA, The White Stripes and Radiohead, which is good enough for him.

These writers are better than me:
ericexile has a great (and, dare I say it, eclectic) taste in music and writes on the subject with great authority.
29th Candidate is a cool republican. Yeah, it took me months to get around *that* particular concept, too...
ben-david is a rabid Smiths fan, which is always a good thing.
Christoff is twice as old as I am, and yet somehow much more tolerant towards all this bleepy nonsense (it's ok though, he digs Waylon Jennings)
Chris_Bickel, the master of smashism, digs New Wave and nazi sexploitation. What a charming young lad he is!
churst is quite adept at finding great "underground" (God I hate that term) Hip-Hop and Electronica.
ilmokiel is a delightfully depraved individual- kinda like Dorian Gray, only not evil. I think.
Kris-Kochanski is smart and funny and pretty and popular and when I grow up, I wanna be just like her!
kuuleimomi likes saying "grrrrrr". A lot.
madtheory sure does know his Hip-Hop, and is also productive as hell. FELLOW CULTUREDOSE WRITER
mangiotto just puts his old reviews on here, and he's still the best damn movie reviewer on the site...
MattA75 knows more about Pearl Jam than could possibly be healthy
megugrrrl writes epinions about places I'll never go and things I'll never own. You think a refrigerator review is a dull thing? That's cos you haven't read Megu yet...
Sordid-1 needs no introduction. Actually, he probably does, but I can't be bothered.
Winick is even hipper than he thinks he is.
Andrew_Hicks, author of the "A Year In The Life Of A Nerd" diaries.
arruseth wrote high-quality reviews on Indie music.
Divine_Cheese knows his Indie, past and present. A fellow Britpop enthusiast.
hurple can guide you through the best overlooked Classic Rock
repulsemonkey the O.M. (Original Monkey, whiteboy!). FELLOW CULTUREDOSE WRITER
rich2003dm might possibly be even funnier than Carrot Top
sslabs wrote reviews on mainstream music with such skill that you could almost forgive him for his foolish opinions on gun control
brotherman is Epinion's #1 expert on all matters Soul and R&B (and he likes The Beach Boys, too). FELLOW CULTUREDOSE WRITER
dustygold is cooler than you
echo-denver has a varied and excelent taste in music
educated_ph00l is FEISTY!
Fez-Monkey is a monkey. With a fez. This ain't exactly rocket science, you know.
FilboidStudge is insane, he is.
filmlover fancies a good shag.
kellydeal could kick my ass
lukasneville is tragically hip
monssfish is...ehm...I'm running out of wit here
movielover123 doesn't review that many movies. How subversive!
RockReview is, as Mr.T would put it, "helluva cool"
seric26likes beauty and cares about issues. Good boy!
xtrmntr wrote the best review of "The Bends", ever.

ADVICE: make fun of the music your friends listen to. Anyone who can't stand his/her favourite band being dissed takes him/herself WAY too seriously. Put people on pedestals, even knowing they'll fall off. Listen to The Adverts, Len and Al Green. Be Punk, be New Wave, but please don't be New Romantic. Don't laugh at people, smile at their funny little ways. Be nice- the world needs more niceness. Do not use the word "whatever". Do not say that nobody can change your views- that means you don't have views, you have laws. Don't take yourself so damn seriously- if you're depressed, balance your depression with wit. Do not take people for granted. If you're European, don't insult Americans- remember, *we* were the ones who came up with reality TV. Laugh at yourself, but love yourself. Love the universe, too- it never dumps you. Do not expect too much from people, they are dumb and smell bad. As for sarcrasm- if you're gonna bullsh it, bullsh it with heart. Stay open minded towards all genres of music and don't be afraid to admit you like bad music. However, when you do, do not say "why can't everyone just listen to music they enjoy?". That's a very dull way of seeing things. Above all, love your fellow men and don't forget that insanity is alot better than dullness.