Merry Christmas, Baby! (Yule Present Write-Off)
Dec 23 '00 (Updated Dec 28 '00)
*The following is my submission to Petra’s “Yule Present Write-Off.” Each participant in the write-off was randomly paired with another. The idea is to choose a “gift” for this person based on the personality they reveal on their profile page and in their epinions. Links to the reviews of all participants can be found here: http://expressyourself33.homestead.com/yuleparty.html
The person I was paired up with was linda1527. This made things a little easier since Linda has been on my WOT and I’ve read many of her reviews in the past several months. Still, I had to scour over dozens of her 84 great reviews in the past few days in my quest to give her the perfect gifts. Note that although the rules of the write-off say that the gifts can be imaginary items, these are all gifts I’m actually going to give her.
I’ve learned a lot about Linda from her epinions. She has overcome a lot of adversity in her life. She had a tough childhood, yet has grown up to be an intelligent, kind, and compassionate person. Linda volunteers as a mentor to help children who are behind in their reading ability, which is a wonderful thing. Because she finds this rewarding, I’ve decided that my first gift will be to assign her a really tough case for mentoring… George W. Bush. With Linda’s assistance and patience, I think he can make it up to the third grade reading level!
I realize my first gift to Linda requires a *lot* of work on her part (although it will be fulfilling in the long run), the remainder of the gifts I’m giving her will all be things to make her life easier and more pleasurable.
I’m going to start out by giving her a summer home in Wisconsin. You see, Linda lives in Minnesota, just across the border from the greatest state in the country… my home state of Wisconsin! This is like living in Cuba and being oh so close to Florida (or vice versa during the election fiasco). In Wisconsin, she can enjoy the freedom the 1st and 14th amendments allow, and where everyone has a right to choose the sports teams they want to follow.
Since Linda is interested in “movies, movies, movies, and more movies,” I’m going to furnish the house with a 56” widescreen HDTV, surround sound, progressive-scan DVD player, and VCR (NOT a Memorex!). With this setup, she can watch CNN, The Young and the Restless, and all her favorite movies in high style.
Because Linda likes to have CD’s playing at all times, I’m going to include a top of the line stereo system with 200 disc CD changer and Bose speakers in all 27 rooms of the house. Not only will all her favorite CD’s be included, but so will the entire Bruce Springsteen catalog along with all his bootleg CD’s (for when I drop by).
In the kitchen, I’m including a case of Pizza Topping Adhesive Spray® (patent pending). Like me, Linda absolutely hates when she’s eating pizza and all the cheese and toppings slide off (as Papa John’s often does). With my specially formulated adhesive spray (available in both pepperoni and sausage flavors), those problems will be a thing of the past! In addition, the spray has another amazing benefit (like keeping cheese on pizza isn’t a miracle in itself!). It also stops smoking cravings!
Just off her main office, where she can do her medical transcription work in comfort, the library will be filled with all Linda’s favorite biographies, history books, and true crime novels. This is also where she can store her lifetime subscription to Vanity Fair Magazine, which will be delivered to her new house. In the garage will be a 2001 Chevy Cavalier (with a stick shift, of course). In the trunk will be ten million dollars in cash because, hey, who doesn’t want ten million bucks?
As a final, special Christmas present, I’m giving Linda voluminous quantities of both frankincense and myrrh. No, I have no idea what they are, but they are traditional Christmas gifts that go back to, well, the first Christmas. I figure if they’re good enough gifts for baby Jesus, Linda will enjoy them too.
Merry Christmas, Linda. I hope you enjoy all your gifts!
----
Below are all the write-off participants next to the person they were paired with. Read them all… NOW!!
panterad00d--- chrisjoker
pcrepairguy--- guisseppy
cking--- moonfey
superflychick--- lsebastan33
lkvanvoorhis--- lessaleigh
vemartin--- anniwitch
schlamozzel--- driver4t5
lunadisarm--- psugrowler
cheekylass--- snakeayez
jo.com--- bobrocks
rongould--- aribuzz
prfstars--- debbie26
gagirl40--- macenthe
dosite1--- rotten
bunnyjav--- kinganamort
lap0530--- juliette
linda1527--- craigmoosh
viper1963--- azbrotha
kellydeal--- seracorde11
orator--- flak-attak
petra--- akabecky
noniabidnis--- mattjoe
waltlockley--- jdinpa
althaea--- thundersangel
adrienne10--- gpatters
blackelve--- pogomom
melllyn--- repulsemonkey
madbunnie2--- pianomam
dr_valerie--- ladydagney1
macresarf1--- annexation
ogur--- muttgirl
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
craigmoosh
|
 - Top 1000 |
|
Member: Craig
Location: Mequon, Wisconsin
Reviews written: 25
Trusted by: 200 members
About Me:
1000,000 readers can't be wrong!! Well, okay, they *could* be...
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.