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That's gonna leave a mark!

Aug 29, 2000 Write an essay on this topic.

Don't run with scissors...
Don't play ball in the house...
Don't hit your sister...
Don't pull the dog's tail...

You know the routine...nag nag nag. People are constantly telling us what NOT to do as if we don't know. OK, well maybe my mom was right about the hazards of putting the dog in the dryer...he never was the same after that, but that isn't my point.

I am here not to tell you what you shouldn't do, but rather to tell you what you should do as an alternative to what you shouldn't do. Did that make sense? Anyhooooo...here goes.

I may not be an expert on the following things, but I do know that the alternatives are a better way to vent, write, rate and just get around on Epinions.

So you are ticked off because the site is having problems again

Well, guess what? So is everyone else. I logged on a couple of times this week only to find that everyone's opinions had been either moved or deleted by the author. Now, I know I didn't delete my opinions and neither did the other gazillion members. It was merely a flaw in the system. So, resist the urge to write a nasty email or opinion about the flaw. Instead, grab a pad of paper and a pen, sit down and jot some notes about what you would do with all your money if you were Bill Gates. I know this is just a dream of many, but the chances of you getting any of his money are about the same as Epinions not having any problems. Their site is growing and they can't keep up. So, if you love this site, bear with it. It is bound to get better sooner or later.

That weasel just gave me a Not Recommended when everyone else gave me a Highly Recommended

It happens to all of us. For some reason, someone comes along and rates our reviews extremely low for no apparent reason. Maybe they didn't eat their Wheaties...maybe they don't like cute little puppies...maybe they are just plain mean. Once again, resist the urge to revenge rate. Instead, go to their profile page and get their email address. Write them the most sugary sweet email about how you respect their opinion and how you wish you had the guts that they do to stand out in a crowd. Then, after sending them an email, go get your voo-doo doll and put a curse on their right index finger..you know, the one that clicks the mouse button. Make it twitch uncontrollably, forcing it to rate properly. When they go to hit that NR unnecessarily, the curse will force them to either a) select the appropriate rating or b) shove their finger in their nose. All the while a chant will ring through their head...you can't pick your ratings fairly, but you can pick your nose. This probably won't work, but it is an alternative to being a putz like they are.

OK, I don't actually OWN this product, but I think it's cool

I have seen so many reviews about products that have been written by someone who doesn't know diddlysquat. Here is this person talking about a car that they obviously have never even driven, let alone owned. Others write about movies they must have only heard or read about.
(I had the courage to report someone on Epinions for plagiarism the other day. I didn't really know what would happen, if anything. Well, guess what. That person isn't a member anymore! I searched and searched for their review just to make sure it wasn't a mistake and sure enough, they are GONZO!) Now, instead of writing a review about something you know nothing about, go look in the mirror and recite to yourself, "Do I really want to look like a total buffoon or am I just in need of some extra pennies in my account". If the answer to your question is the latter, go look around your house until you see something that you know and trust. Then write about it. If the answer to your question is the first speculation, then by all means, knock yourself out. To each his own!

I am a new member and I don't have anyone on my trust list. Maybe I should just start adding people until they add me.

Once again, you must have an overwhelming desire to look like a complete idiot. I am not saying you shouldn't add people to your trust list. That is fine, but just try not to overdo it. Instead, go look at the 'Just In' section and rate every single review. Even the ones you know absolutely nothing about. You will be surprised how many people will add you to their WOT because you rated a review that no one else read. It makes them feel special. So what if it is a review about the downfalls of hangnails on your pet frog in todays society. It is a review and they deserve to be read too.

Conclusion

I know that all of these concerns ring true on Epinions. I have seen it and so have other members. Just take it all in stride. You cannot do anything about revenge raters, site flaws or other peoples inability to write a review without using the word 'sucks'. You can, however, make a difference by writing quality reviews about products you know about and by rating fairly in spite of your urge to report those people to Epinions for being just plain stupid.

NOTE: This is meant to be a jovial way of looking at things, please don't take them too literally. No frogs, dogs or buffoons were hurt in the making of this review.

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