Comatose Conversations With Chain-Smoking Witches on Shore Leave -- A Mattress Review or Developing a Personality with Style
Jul 24 '00
I have a confession to make: there are moments in my life when I am completely unable to be serious and straightforward. There’s no warning. One moment I am standing there minding my own business and the next I am making a comment that is designed to entertain, shock, horrify, or, on a good day, all three. For as long as I can remember, I have been, what my mother calls, a smart aleck. I don’t remember how it all started but my one of my favorite memories was walking up to my third grade teacher’s, Sister Bernard, desk and asking her, “Are you bald under that habit and does it itch when you shave your head?” It’s true – much to my delight and my mother’s continuing mortification (she still has the note from my teacher).
For years, I have tempered this “excess of personality” (as my grandfather used to characterize it) by writing for the school paper or magazine. So, naturally, when I write a review for Epinions, my personality and life experience are an integral part of how and what I write. So, with full knowledge of all my psychoses and personality disorders, here is my advice on writing a review with personality (but, hopefully, not with mine).
Do You Know the Way to San Jose? Then Write Travel Reviews
Everybody has an area that is his or her specialty. You’ve either gained this knowledge through your chosen career or through sheer interest in the subject. But everybody claims to know everything about something. Show the world you have as big an ego as the next Donald Trump – show off what you know by writing about it. Not sure what your specialty is? Is there something that people are always asking your advice on? Do you always know what the best movie in town is? The hot new restaurant or the hidden gem? Your friends know that you know it all so let the rest of the world know, too.
She’s a Super Freak: Epinions With a Soul
As much as Epinions is a consumer site, it is also a people site. People don’t come to Epinions just read the information. People read our reviews because they want to hear about our real-world experiences with a product or a situation. If they wanted dry facts, they would cough up twenty dollars and read Consumer Reports Online. But, since most of the visitors and members are smart, savvy people (after all, you are reading my epinion), they want to read about you. Instead of telling readers that your lawnmower is difficult to control, tell them about the time that it almost ran over your cat and embedded itself in the side of your husband or wife’s brand new car. Always share a part of yourself.
Are You Talking to Me?: Developing Your Voice
Many new reviewers are unsure about the style and tone of their writing. Think of each review in this way: Your best friend is asking you about the new camera that you got for your birthday? What do you say? Do you (a) read her the information from the side of the box about the auto-focus zoom or (b) do you tell her that the auto zoom can’t be disabled to manual and is only good for beginners? Which do you think she wants to hear? Which do you think readers would rather see? If you’re unsure, your best bet is the more interesting and helpful approach to the review. Always think of your review as a more polished and more detailed version of a conversation with your best friend/sister/mother/goldfish –- little less Nikon Owner’s Manual and a lot more you.
How Do You Spell “Comatose Conversations With Chain-Smoking Witches on Shore Leave -- A Mattress Review”?: Eye-Catching Titles
Every writer wants their work to be read –- from the New York Times-bestselling author to the writer of fortune cookie blurbs. If you don’t have the name recognition that instantly attracts readers, you need an attention grabber. You need an interesting title. You want something that will either make people look twice or at least pique their interest enough to click and rate. How does one come up with one of these magical titles? Well, it is rather hit or miss. Think of your experiences with that product and incorporate that into your title. For example, let’s take that out-of-control lawnmower that I referred to earlier. A possible title could be, “Free Spaying and Neutering Included With the Purchase of a John Deere,” or something like that. Don’t be afraid to be outrageous or odd with your title.
Get your three cents now.
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(This review has been made possible through the Krissieliz Developing an Epinions Personality Write-Off Foundation, the Letter Q, and Viewers Like You. To see more members who like telling people how to make spectacles of themselves (and who are participating in this write-off), read the collective works of awoolcott, erin5oaks, krissieliz, lovdbygod7, marvienhill, that_guy, elizajane925, kurt_messick, odellburgess, curtisedmonds, viper1973, hapless child, mattjoe, nylawgirl (that's me. I'm the cute and deep Beatle), jo.com, coolest-thng, guildencrantz.
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Epinions.com ID:
nylawgirl
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Location: New York, NY
Reviews written: 38
Trusted by: 129 members
About Me:
Giving my unsolicited opinion since October 1977. Being paid for it since April 2000.
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