I was raised by sheep in the high dessert of the Himalayas, a passive-aggressive area where confusion reigns because you're wearing a heavy coat one minute and then stripping down to nothing in the next.

At the age of 20 I started to notice that I didn't look anything like my parents or siblings, nor did I share their enthusiasm for grazing. (That's right. You can't pull the wool over my eyes. You can't pull the wool over my family's eyes either, or they'll yelp in pain.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. So, I asked my mother, what will I be? Will I be famous? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me:

"Baaa-aaa."

"Oh, well," I thought. "Que sera, sera."

I decided to leave home. My parents, though they were sad to see me go, also felt that it was time for me to leave. They said I was being "a baaa-aad influence" on my siblings. (Who knew that teaching a sheep to play strip poker can lead to more serious sheep-gambling addictions?)

After I hiked down the mountain, I stumbled across epinions.com, which I thought was odd because I'd never stumbled across the Web before. Fortunately, I didn't disturb the spider.

So, here is where I reside, when I'm not pretending to be a normal person. If you want to read about my other "normal" life, where I pretend to work, play and watch The X-Files, visit my homepage at www.geocities.com/tesan. Just don't mention it to any sheep you happen to come across. My family doesn't know where I am, and I'm too sheepish to tell them.