Ok, maaaybe I should write some more useful stuff here...

I have no culture. My taste is often bad, epecially in music and litteratooor. For example, I listen to just about anything (I have listened to the sound of musical grinding can openers for 30 minutes and thought it was good). I like heavy metal tho it's not one of the things I listen to on a regular basis (I like my hearing thank you very much Elvis has left the building). Relatively new bands: I recently heard Estradasphere and I think they're f*?&$ awesome. Old stuff...oh, right now I'm listening to a lot of St. Etienne, The Smiths, The Cardigans, B-52s, Devo, Bush, the Beatles, Sinead O'Connor. Last year it was opera (I have a serious thing for Christine Schafer, but whatever) guitar/banjo music (too much Leo Kottke, Bela Fleck and Eric Johnson), Pink Floyd, ELP, Brian Eno, Dave Brubeck. Next month it'll probably be religious insanity music or country western. I'm sure can openers will come into vogue eventually.

I am a reader, I read, reading is. I read at least one book a day (yes, I read very quickly, and I write even quicker which is why my writing is so quicky). I read anything except bad romance novels, newspapers and worse science fiction, of which there is far too much these days. Lately it's been Jim Thompson, Ross McDonald, James Cain, etc. Erle Stanley Gardner. Books about the man of steel, Stalin. Comic books (er, graphic novels... BTW, lest you sneer at how pathetically sad such things are, check out The Watchmen--yes, I know they are the classic overhyped example, but check'em out anyway; then try some of the X-Men, The Avengers, just about any of the old Marvel comics, then go read some better stuff).

(As a random aside, I only care about "what's going on" in the context of what investments i should pursue or ignore. Most of what is in the papers is distraction, it matters very little in the real world if President Clinton...he's still president, right?....has a baby or not. Might as well read the Weekly World News, at least it has aliens.)

My favorite author is Charles Dickens. He left a lasting mark on me when I was a wee lad (heavy book fell on my foot) and it will never be erased. I own one Dickens first edition and it is my most prized possession. I'm also a fairly serious fan of Winston Churchill (the prime minister). He's dead, you know.

I'm a bit of a history buff, tho it's mostly focused on the history of war (especially WWI and the Korean War). Someday I will travel to France and stare at WWI monuments, then wish I had stayed home instead--it's France, after all. Maybe I'll turn France into a WWI theme park.

My taste in movies rarely seems to coincide with anyone else's. While I have a pretty substantial DVD collection, I'd say maybe 5-10% of it would be watchable by the mythical Joe Average. I happen to be a big fan of badfilm (B grade and below movies), and while I don't own very much of it, I think it is somewhat representative of the stuff I like to watch. I don't even know how to describe what movies I like.

"My favorite film of all time is Citizen Kane." That statement alone will probably either condemn me as a pariah or make me seem enlightened. I find this difficult to reconcile with my second-favorite film, The Carpetbaggers, or one of my top-ten favorite films, Caddyshack. I think Star Trek The Original Series is the best of all the Star Trek TV series, and I actually liked the first Star Trek movie. Highway 61 is a fine example of a truly classic film. I own a copy of Reefer Madness (and watch it occasionally and think it is hilarious). I hated Toy Story. Etc.

Listen not to what I opine when it comes to movies, lest ye be deceived. (2nd Cornish 2:12)

I'm one of those rare folks that doesn't own a car. I ride a bicycle instead; these days I ride about 25 miles a day. Give the environment a break and lose the SUV. I'd take it as a personal favor.

I hate traveling. Most of my trips have consisted of going somewhere to see things that I could've seen better pictures of instead. (Not sure why that would matter to anyone but I find it interestingly weird.)

Hmmm... as for my opinions on A/V gear, I find it very difficult to rate how well something sounds, or looks, relative to something else. In particular, almost all audio components sound frighteningly similar (unless they're obviously defective or ultra-cheezy). Speakers I can sometimes tell apart, but most amps sound the same to me. Cables make no difference unless the cables are defective or clearly inadequate for the current or frequency they're handling.

I used to work in an high-end audio store when I was a college student. I'm now totally convinced that everyone hears something different, and many people hear things that aren't there (and vice-versa). After having substituted identical components (or done no substitution at all) and have people tell me that "wow, that sounds [worse, better]" far too many times...I think you have to listen to it yourself. Take my opinion? Nooo...don't do it. Most especially, never ever ever buy something unheard or unseen, and without comparing it to something else. Compare, compare, compare! And if you genuinely care, do the double blind A-B comparison. I'd hate to spend $25,000 on an amplifier that sounded absolutely f*$#&! identical to a $400 one, wouldn't you? Or even more stupid, spend $200 on cables that are electrically identical to $2 cables. And it happens every day... take the time, do it right. Your pocketbook will thank you.

I pledge to give you the best technical evaluation I can do. Features and bugs and problems I am quite capable of offering advice on, and I have enough experience to offer a very solid opinion on the technical merits of whatever gimcrack I happen to be playing with. (Combine that with eclectic writing and you get Space Madness the Video Game starring John Cage!) I take the time to play with stuff before I keep it, and I love head-to-head comparisons.

One other misc bit: I'm slave to two Cornish Rexx cats (one of whom is riding on my shoulder, purring like there's no tomorrow, and massaging my neck with his claws as I'm writing this). They're awesome. I'd have three but I have no more room. (Three is about right; I like chaotic havoc in my household.)

Enough, already. I have planets to destroy, you have reviews to read. Get out of my...shoe? Large intestine? no...mind! That's it, mind. Begone, foul scum, lest I babble more and corrupt your daily functioning.

If you're wondering what kind of a name "Xlug Xmiop" is, it's a good one but I sorta wonder about it myself. I got it out of a box of Cracker Jacks. It was free. I am ashamed.

In next week's episode Timmy and Jim will attempt to create a standing wave plasma but due to a lack of time, knowledge, tritum and neutrinos will settle for making Chocolate Jello Instant Pudding taste like Spam topped with rancid Baco-s. (The Spam, not the Baco-s!)