Cigarettes were my Best Friends
Dec 01 '00
I smoked for 43 years. The last 31 years as a "Heavy Smoker" - at least 3 packs a day. Quitting was very much akin to abandoning a best friend. At the end my body was telling me I was in deep trouble, and I had to do something soon or else.
It wasn't easy, but I did it, and now I'm 20 months down the road as a non-smoker. I'm not sure where to begin telling you my story. I want to help you. I'm thinking if I can do it anybody can, yet I dearly know that is overly simplistic. When I was a smoker I thought every day that I was the most addicted smoker ever, and nothing could help me. If any of this sounds familiar, then hang in there with me because I have a pretty good answer for you. And, who knows? Maybe it's the one you've been looking for all this time.
I expect to be at this awhile, so you go ahead and light 'em up. Even after you are done here, and decide that I can help it will be another month or two before you should and probably could extinguish the smoking lamp.
The thing I don't hear any of the experts talking about is the smoker's relationship with his or her "nicotine delivery system". It's not just about lighting up to have something to do, play with or help finish off dinner.
In my opinion (and, that's what we're here for, after all), it's more about the smoker and his or her "other lover".
I'm not sure if the psychologists can help smokers any better if they look at the problem from a point of view similar to the battered spouse who continually takes back the abuser. But, if they aren't, then maybe they should start. The outcomes are often the same, you keep taking the abuser back, and sooner or later it's gonna cost you big time. Cigarettes are the abusive spouse you can't do without. Cigarettes are the ones that are "There For You" each and every time you have a time of need. And, every stinkin' single time cigarettes got the job done, too! Hard to part with company like that, huh?
All they ask for in return is your life, and that's not that big a deal anyway because you are just renting it anyway. Nobody gets out of here alive - how many times have you said that? Or, something like it to rationalize away your inability to save yourself. There is no person on earth who can and does give you what you get from your choice of smoke on a routine basis every stinkin' day. About the only time you are really unhappy is when you have gone to the well once too often, and now you have one of those, what I call, boomer smoker headaches. But, that's ok you will reward yourself with a nice quiet Marlboro or Newport after the sinus meds kick in. Aspirin doesn't get it done anymore, remember?
Those cigarettes I have had just after the pain went away were as good as the ones after...well, you know what I mean. The Really Good Smokes were always the ones you had with that someone special. Even if the someone special was the cigarette itself. It's important to understand that while cigarettes are not human beings they are a lot closer to being the closest thing to it than most of us realize, and often are better. Not even your dog or your cat can give you what you get from a good smoke.
And, speaking of good smokes. Remember that one about the cigar being a smoke? Well, when I turned 50 I decided that would be my last day as a smoker. I got about two hours into my day when I realized I had no shot at this. Don't know where I thought I was going to get the power to say no. Talk about chutzpah! A light bulb went off, and I marched off to a store and bought one of those 5-packs of - well, you guessed it - cigars.
Cigars were damn near the death of me, But, in all fairness I would not have been able to stop smoking if it weren't for them. I was inhaling every centimeter possible of 16 cigars every day three years later, and my mortality was starting to become a fairly constant thought/question. (One day I smoked [and inhaled] 31 cigars.) Even light gardening was getting to be too much activity. Walking 20 feet would cause me to stop and have to wait to catch my breath. This from a guy who can say that he was once "in shape". I was a football player at one time, and now I get out of breath planting Spinach? Starting to get desperate.
That's about the time I heard about my wife's friend, Mary Ann. There was another inveterate smoker who had tried everything to quit. And now I'm hearing that she's been "clean" for almost a month??? She took the pill they said. I was cautiously optimistic. I knew Mary Ann's habit. While maybe not in my league, it was certainly a major league addiction, and her breaking it off was worthy of my respect and attention.
It turns out that Mary Ann took Wellbutrin, and continued to smoke for three weeks. I believe she was instructed to quit at that time, did so and has been smoke free ever since. Her health plan wouldn't pay for Zyban. Something about it doing only the one thing. Wellbutrin on the other hand had some benefits for people fighting depression as well as being a proven aid for smokers wishing to stop.
The story doesn't quite end there. The pill didn't quite work that well for me. I have the same health plan, and for the same reason took the same pills. Let me say this right now before I forget - If this is the way you choose you must stay in close touch with your doctor. You are going to need the kind of close supervision and support that only a doctor can provide. If you don't have that kind of doctor - get a new one!
I remember feeling most every day of that first three weeks when I was smoking and taking pills that pretty soon I was gonna be a non smoker, and that if I had any problems I had a great support system around me to help see me through the crisis. I almost had some pep in my step. This was the best I had felt in a long time.
When the three weeks were up I quit. I lasted an hour.
Talk about depressed! The doctor said to go three more weeks and try again. I did. I lasted an hour and a half this time. Wish I could think of something funny to say about the progress I had made there.
Two weeks later I tried again. It worked. The "right time" had finally arrived. I kept on taking the pill. Not sure for how long, but it was at least two months and my recollection is five months.
I "Highly Recommend" Wellbutrin (sure hope I have been spelling it right), and my doctor, too. You'll have to find your own doctor though, the office is too busy as it is already.
So, how do I feel you ask? Like I said, I have now been a non-smoker for 20 months. I believe that if I have to go the rest of my life without another smoke I can do it. In fact it doesn't even seem like a hard thing to think of anymore.
I will admit to this, though, the day the doctor tells me I have the "big one" is the day I fall off the wagon. This, in spite of the fact that cigarettes and cigars are probably gonna be the cause of my having the "big one". That should tell you all you need to know about how tough a habit it was that I broke.
I'm kind of proud of that, and I think you could tell that by looking at my garden this past summer. We have big plans for next year's garden, and I'm planning to be there for it. Twenty months ago that was probably nigh on impossible to ponder. God Bless...
ps - I don't know if this helps, but if you need more send me an email, and I will try to fill in the blanks I left here today...Bd
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Epinions.com ID:
buddonahue
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Member: Bud Donahue
Location: Phila, Pa
Reviews written: 18
Trusted by: 6 members
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