being alive
Aug 02 '00
Weight loss? Whewwww.. where do I begin.. and where does it end? I tend to divide my life into two parts.. well I seem to be entering a third now, so it's really a three part saga at the moment.
My saga begins as an overweight child..or was I? Looking back at pictures, I don't look obese, yet the way I was treated one would think that I was. What I do know is that I was sad. Very sad. From the age of 4 on I had thoughts of running away or even worse, of killing myself, because I felt like I didn't belong. Then one day that all changed, and I decided to "take control of my life".
Enter Anorexia. Part two. Hunger, denial, pain and suffering. Well, at first it wasn't like that. I got lots of compliments on how great I looked when at age 14 I lost close to 30 pounds in one summer.
I even began a successful running career. However both the diet and the running spun out of control. I ended up battling this odd disease of compulsive eating and exercise for the rest of my life.
Although I put that in the past tense, I'm not actually dead right now. In fact, I seem to have been given a second chance. You see over the years, the anorexia and occasional bouts of bulemia ruined my health. At my worst, I was having seizures and could hardly stand up on my own. Understandably, when someone mentions "diets" the hair on the back of my neck stands on end!
When I was in therapy, one of my doctors told my that either I would be anorexic or I would be healthy and hate my body. I didn't believe it then and I don't now.
I also don't believe that anyone has to deny themselves to be thin. As I enter this wonderful new world of life, I realize that the best diet is one that comes from your heart. I honestly believe that we have the ability to decide for ourselves what we want to eat for optimum health, and that when we don't listen to that IT'S O.K. too! The best diet in the world is awareness. I hope that my awareness can increase to the point where I will actually trust my own instinct and won't be afraid to follow through on my inner hunches. To anyone wanting to start a diet out there, listen to your heart first and be honest.. are you healthy as you are? does your body do what you want it too? Do you REALLY need to lose weight and if so why? Maybe the perfect diet is already in your body's inner wisdom.:)
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